lifesong
Everyone needs compassion
Love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Saviour
The hope of nations
Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender
Shine your light in
Let the whole world see
We're singing, for the glory
Of the risen King
Jesus, Shine your light in
Let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory
Of the risen king
Sunday, July 17, 2005
-2:30 pm
I honestly can identify with your feelings, however unbelievable it may seem to you. Time and time again due to unfortunate circumstances, I have been unable to attend the SP course while you had to chance to. It's true that not being an SP disallows certain experiences and opportunities, but that hasn't stopped me from serving God in whatever small and seemingly insignificant ways I can. I'm doing my best and I know God sees it.
I've long struggled with God in the past about this though. I kept asking God why it had to be that way, why couldn't I have the privilege to serve Him while younger believers have quickly become SPs. I couldn't understand why things just seemed to be against me all the time. I have to admit, I was jealous. To see my good friends and peers become SPs one by one, I felt so left out and insignificant. I kept comparing myself with them, wondering what was it that was wrong with me that I couldn't be where they were. I was angry with God.
Thankfully though, God has this way of allowing ourselves to come to the self-realisation that something is wrong and do something about it at times, instead of directly speaking to us. As I re-examined my motives for becoming an SP, I discovered that it was more to be like the people I admired, to have that so-called "glory" of being an SP which is really overrated, not so much of truly wanting to serve God. I was so ashamed that I couldn't face God. I knew I wasn't ready. The longer the time I took to change, the longer it took for me to reach that point of growth and maturity that God wanted me at.
I also remembered what Pastor Darick once told me, "Maybe it's not God's timing for you."
Now, that set me thinking. And I fervently seeked God about it. It dawned on me that God has a special plan just for me. Jeremiah 29:11 spoke so clearly to me, saying
"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God has every single day of my life planned and written on the palm of His hand before even one of them came to be. Who was I to question His plans? Who was I to say that I wanted this right now? Do you think that God would allow us to mess up our futures because of our myopic opinions? I hardly think so. Do you think He would allow us to so easily change His plans for us because we were throwing tantrums? Of course not.
In my limited human perspective, I couldn't see that God was preparing me for a greater purpose. Maybe I'm not spiritually ready yet. God had to mold me into the kind of vessel that would be worthy of serving Him, to strip away all the impurities and make the rough edges smooth. I couldn't rush God. The more I resisted His pruning, the more painful it was and the longer it took. During the time that I was feeling down, He allowed certain experiences, suffering and pain that taught me so much. These lessons would prepare me for the destiny His planned for me. I realised that my timing isn't alway God's timing. But His ways are higher than ours. In all His wisdom, He has a plan that no one can fathom. I may say, "I want it
now," but God says, "No,
not yet."
It is not for me to judge what is best for me because my human wisdom falls extremely short of His. I learnt to stop struggling and questioning God, surrendering my own selfish agendas and my whole life completely to His sovereign ways in all obedience and trust.
"Not what I will but what You will, O Lord." Only then could He start to do that heart surgery of His in me, to refine me with His holy fire such that I would emerge as pure gold.
Zechariah 13:9 (NIV)This third I will bring into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my nameand I will answer them;I will say, 'They are my people,'and they will say, 'The LORD is our God.' "Perhaps you need to
accept the fact that it just isn't God's timing for you. Stop struggling, let go and let God. He has a unique purpose planned for you that no one else is able to fulfill and He needs the time to prepare you for that. Considering that took Moses 40 years in the wilderness to become qualified for the leadership, to be ready to lead God's people out of Egypt, are you willing to go through the fire for Him no matter how long the refining process may take?
I know who you were referring to in your post. I detect some traces of bitterness, biting sarcasm (and perhaps envy?) in your tone of voice. I understand. Somehow it feels like deja vu because this isn't the first time someone has felt this way about me. No, I don't blame you for feeling the way you do but I must first say that it is extremely unfair to compare yourself to me or others for that matter.
Galatians 5:26 (Msg)"That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original."A quote from Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life:
"Real servants don't complain of unfairness, don't have pity-parties... they just trust God and keep serving."I don't think you will become someone God will use mightily for His purposes. I know it. It's not that you're not good enough, it's just that God is not done with you yet.
God has said in the very beginning that He has created us in His image, special and unique in His sight. No one can be you, neither can you be someone else. You play a significantly unique role in God's big plan for all mankind, no one else can fulfill it. If you choose to try to fit square pegs into a round hole by shaping your ministry like someone else's, you are not fulfilling your life's purpose. I have learnt not to look for man's approval but to seek only God's. Be patient and allow the potter's hands to shape you. Don't try to rush God. It will all be done in His good time. Trust Him.
I want you to know that not being an SP doesn't limit what you can do for God. It's up to you to turn everything that happens into opportunities to make a difference. Not being a spiritual parent doesn't mean that you cannot unofficially mentor someone. If you think you're up to it, by all means go for it. It helps to know that you have something to give and that's what I live by.
There are certain issues which I feel are hindering our friendshp and needs to be resolved as soon as possible. I don't think that outward appearances or whatever school one comes from should matter to you, nor to God. Instead, I find that a heart that is truly passionate for God is the most attractive quality ever. You are attractive in many ways you might not realise (;
I would like to apologise for whatever I've said or done that has offended you and I hope you will continue to growth abundantly in God's love and walk faithfully in His ways.
I'm praying for you.
P.S.: I recommend that you visit this
site to learn more about God's plans. Do drop me a note when you've read this will ya?
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