Tuesday, January 24, 2006
-8:10 pm
In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I've been blessed beyond measure
And only by His strength I've overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes
Like diamonds in my hand
But those trophies would not equal
To the grace on which I stand
In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory, let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone
In Christ alone will I glory
Though only by His grace I am redeemed
And only His tender mercies
Can reach beyond my weakness to my needs
Now I seek no greater honor
Than just to know Him more
And to count my gains but losses
For the glory of my Lord
In Christ alone I place my trustAnd find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory, let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope Is Christ alone
0comments
-6:35 pm
Decisions, decisions.
Here I am again, finding myself at the all-too-familiar place of having to make yet another decision. The feeling of uncertainty makes me very perplexed because, more often than not, after I have vaguely reached a decision, I get this niggling feeling that it might not be right. Then I would start the whole cycle of "is this better or that better? But then..." process of rationally thinking through the issue, weighing the pros and cons of each side. You wouldn't believe how much I've agonised over my subject combination (e.g. H2 maths or H1 maths or KI?), which CCA to join, and whatever else I have to decide on which would have a considerable impact on the next two years of my JC life.
Being the commitment-phobe that I am, making decisions are as painful for me as it would be for an image-conscious girl, who absolutely detests shopping, searching to buy the most flattering two-piece outfit on a miserable budget of just $30, with only one day to do it. This analogy is especially true (not the image-conscious part though) when I have to make decisions which require me to commit my time.
Let's face it- I only have 24 hours a day, minus 8 hours of sleep (I wish), that'll be 16 hours. Having learnt from previous experiences, I am very wary of biting off more than I can chew, and taking on commitments which might collectively overburden me. I have realised that the implications, consequences and possible repercussions of whatever choice I make must be thoroughly considered, for making the wrong decision would have dreadful consequences.
Currently, I am still rather optimistic about JC life, about finding the right balance just so, that I'll be able to
sail through survive these two years in RJC. I am more heavily involved in church commitments this year (and I do foresee, into the future) so I need a CCA that does not overtax me with too many trainings, demands, and rehearsals scheduled last-minute. I started this year thinking that I'll just join a slack CCA like recreational badminton and forget about it so that I can have more time for family and church. However, it now seems that is considered "inadequate" for a student to just join such a CCA as her only one. People would worry about how that would look in their testimonial. Part of me wants to worry about that too, but the other half of me says, "Don't conform. You only live once so make the most out of it."
Now I'm really getting frazzled about this whole CCA thing. If only Student Venture (christian fellowship) was a real CCA!
My heart keeps telling me to seek God. My mind, being the only rational/logical part of me, tells me to analyse it and try to solve it like one would solve a maths problem sum. However, a decision derived from rational analysis might not necessarily be right. The thing is, we have to understand that we sometimes won't understand the ways of God. His ways are always higher than ours. When He directs us to do something, though it might not make any sense at that point in time (determined by our rational thinking- naturally), He has a reason for it so I'll choose to trust in Him.
Having asked people for their opinions and ending up with them telling me so many different suggestions, it's really easy to get my confused mind in a whirl. I get easily swayed by the opinions of others, especially if I am still in the valley of (in)decision. Hence, I have come up with a list of guidelines in making my decision:
1. Seek GodHe's the only one who knows the plan He has for me, and what's in my best interest. Human wisdom always falls short so instead of turning to the counsel of man, why not turn to God? It's not enough to merely seek God. When He shows me which way to go, I will obey Him out of a heart of love and trust, without questioning or doubting. I don't ever want my feet to stray from the path of my destiny God has intended for me to walk.
2. Prioritise, put things in perspectiveEssentially, what is the most important? Why am I living? What's my purpose in my life on earth? I'll consider if what I want to commit to has any eternal significance, or would make a lasting impact in lives for God. I constantly struggle with putting my own interests and goals first before God's will for me.
"Everything is permissible —but not everything is beneficial." -1 Corinthians 10:23. With this in mind, surrendering my will to God is an area I need to work on. I am not my own; I was bought at a price.
3. Consider the counsel of parents, Godly friends, leadersI know that God can speak through people. But of course, it is a matter of who I speak to. Maybe I should just stop asking so many people what they think and try seeking the counsel of those who have a spiritual responsibility over me- people who are wise in their years, whom God has given wisdom to so that they can help young ones like me navigate the difficult paths their calloused feet have previously thread on- namely, my parents, adults and pastors. Now, why didn't I think of that earlier?
Maybe I need to stop thinking about myself, and start thinking about God and others. This brings to mind my new year resolution, which is based on the verses Matthew 22:36-38. Perhaps I should join a CCA that does not take up that much of my time, for investing my time and efforts in the kingdom of God is the most worthwhile. Not that I'll neglect my CCA; I just want to be able to honour my commitment to God in serving Him, and to my CCA at the same time.
Initially, I was thinking of taking up a sport. But now that I've really pondered about it, prayed about it, and have clarified my thoughts through writing, I come to the conclusion that it might not necessarily be the best choice for me. I don't want to have that pressure of balancing an increased JC workload, family, church, and a very demanding CCA among other things.
I've come to realise that when I make a decision and feel God's peace, I know that I'm on the right track. Though I have not specifically decided what CCA to join, at least I've narrowed down the scope.
Ah well, though it is excrutiatingly agonising, God uses every single decision-making process to test us, mould us, and teach us to trust in Him, despite the pressures and uncertainties which threaten to overwhelm us. Like how Abraham was willing to surrender Issac on the sacrificial stone, I will lay my dreams, ambitions, fears and inadequacies all at the foot of the cross as I take that step of faith to choose the right path. Though I may not be able to see where the road not taken might lead, I will trust in Him for He holds my future in His Almighty hands.
This one's for You, Lord.
2comments
Sunday, January 22, 2006
-8:24 pm
Your Ideal Partner:1. Male Or Female2. 8 Requirements of your ideal partner 3. Tag 8 other people and notify that they are tagged.1. Male of course...
2. Requirementsi) The most important thing: He must be a strong and mature Christian, i.e. he must really really
REALLY love God- at least as much as I do, or even more- and have such a burning passion for Him and for souls. He must be a man after God's heart and would be willing to give up everything just to serve Him.
ii) Must be from TCC, preferably having grown up in Passion/IGNYTE too.
iii) Would fully support me if I'm called to serve in full-time ministry, or better yet, go into full-time with me! (: (Because he wants too, of course)
iv) He must be a gentleman- a person of character, integrity, prinicple and walks in the ways of God.
v) Must love children.
vi) Must love dogs! (:
vii) Preferably a nature-lover, who relishes spending time in the great outdoors.
viii) He should be unassuming, comfortable with being who he is, not afraid to speak his mind and to be his real self, despite what others might think or say.
3. I shan't pass this on for I'm quite sure no one likes to get tagged (note: I do not speak for those who are so dreadfully bored that such tag things become a much welcomed thrill). I hope and pray that I won't get such tags anymore either.
Since I had to describe my ideal partner- the key word here is
"ideal"- it would seem that my expectations are unrealistically high. I know that that special someone whom I'll eventually end up with might not be as I imagine or expect him to be, but a girl can dream, can't she? (: It's all in God's hands really, whoever He has destined specially for me. I will trust in Him for when the time is right, I will know. (:
I know I haven't been faithfully blogging in an awfully long time. It's regrettable and I sincerely apologise for not updating. The demands of school and my need for sleep has kept me from signing in to blogger or even turning on the computer. I refuse to write half-hearted posts in a sleepy stupor as well. Even now as I sit typing in front of the computer screen, my eyes feel tired (maybe from the glare of the screen) and a weird headache has developed- I feel as though someone has put my head in a clamp and is slowly tightening it. Hence, I shall promise to find a time to properly sit down and update because so much has happened (and because I really need to go to bed now).
Hang in there Michelle! Saturday will come soon...
0comments
Sunday, January 08, 2006
-7:55 pm
Orientation was really really fun, but as much as it was a blast, it was extremely tiring. People who've seen me in church on saturday would know. Shuang said I looked as though I was still in lalaland. In a sense, I still am, especially because my body hasn't really adjusted to sleeping and waking early.
Anyways, I LOVE MY CLASS!!! 07A13A rocks! I really thank God because I've got really great people as classmates like Julee, Bren, Sabbie and William. At least I have two ex-classmates and one churchmate. (: Mr. Sowden, my form teacher and RJ's only resident grandfather, is endearingly quirky too! The best thing is that we're a class that's really into arts and we're all under the Humans provisional scholarship (I think) so have a common passion for the humanities. Finally, we're in a class of our own.
Right now the only thing that's keep this from becoming picture perfect is TSD. I don't know if I'll get in for Theatre Studies and Drama. The audition went ok but I can't believe I forgot about the written paper! *smacks forehead hard* At least Mr. Lyon was nice enough to let me sit for it after the war games. I'm really praying real hard that I'll get in, or else I'll have to choose either economics or history. *grimaces* But if I don't, it'll really be God's will and I'll accept it. TSD's rather time-consuming too so I guess it might be just as well.
I'm looking forward for this year to get into full swing, in terms of school and church. God has really got me excited about what He's going to do and how He will use me for His purpose. Though initially there'll be lots of adjustments and stuff, and I'll have to find the right balance of all my commitments, I believe God will bring me through every single step of the way.
I'd better go prepare for school to start proper tomorrow. My planner's really empty and all so I need to start filling it up, like marking all the important dates and stuff.
To my fellow J1s, hope you guys have enjoyed orientation and all the best for the new school year ahead!
0comments
Sunday, January 01, 2006
-5:27 pm
I think I'm losing steam with regards to my blogging.
*alarm bells go off*
Haven't felt like blogging in ages and currently, I merely update for the sake of keeping this blog marginally alive. With school starting again soon, I'm not sure if I'll blog as often anymore. Well, I'll see how it goes.
I got back from Hong Kong at 2am on the 28th. Unfortunately, HK wasn't as exciting as I expected. I must say, I didn't thoroughly enjoy the trip, although there were moments I truly felt as though I was on a relaxing vacation. To those who are considering going on a HK holiday, allow me to caution you: retail therapy in HK is completely implausible. Actually, I feel it stresses you out more and is a rather harrowing experience. I felt so nauseated and claustophobic walking around the shops, especially at Mongkok's Ladies' Street- the HK version of Singapore's "pasar malam" or night market.
On the bright side, I enjoyed two of the six days we were there- the day we had a barbeque in the mountains at Sai Kung, after which we took a 2-hour plus hike, and when we visited Ocean Park. I queued the longest queue of my entire life, and I think, for the rest of my life, for the park's newest ride- the Mine Train. My aunt, bro and I queued for about 2 hours just for that ride! The other more popular rides like the Viking were almost as bad. But all the time we spent queueing was worth it in the end because the top three rides- the Mine Train (it has 3 heart-stoppping drops! whoohoo!!), the Viking and the Abyss Turbo Drop, were so exhilarating.
I love thrilling rides. The scarier, the better. Some people would ask- why pay the money to scare yourself? But for me, the thrill and excitement of a vertical drop or a centrifugal spin are what I crave. I'll usually try all the most challenging rides in whatever theme park I go to.
I admit, it's dreadfully frightening sometimes, but at least I've got the guts to give it a try, although sometimes I get so scared when I'm finally on the ride that I instantly regret my impulsivity. BUT I'll always go off after that seeking a greater challenge because they're never as bad as I imagined it to be. I love what gravity does to you and the adrenalin rush of such rides. (:
School's starting soon (and I hear the groans of students all over Singapore) but I have to face the inevitable. As much as I dread it, there is this little bit of excitement of going to a new school. I don't know what this year would yield for me but I'm just going to trust God.
I will be still, know You are God.
0comments