lifesong
Everyone needs compassion
Love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Saviour
The hope of nations
Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender
Shine your light in
Let the whole world see
We're singing, for the glory
Of the risen King
Jesus, Shine your light in
Let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory
Of the risen king
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
-6:35 pm
Decisions, decisions.
Here I am again, finding myself at the all-too-familiar place of having to make yet another decision. The feeling of uncertainty makes me very perplexed because, more often than not, after I have vaguely reached a decision, I get this niggling feeling that it might not be right. Then I would start the whole cycle of "is this better or that better? But then..." process of rationally thinking through the issue, weighing the pros and cons of each side. You wouldn't believe how much I've agonised over my subject combination (e.g. H2 maths or H1 maths or KI?), which CCA to join, and whatever else I have to decide on which would have a considerable impact on the next two years of my JC life.
Being the commitment-phobe that I am, making decisions are as painful for me as it would be for an image-conscious girl, who absolutely detests shopping, searching to buy the most flattering two-piece outfit on a miserable budget of just $30, with only one day to do it. This analogy is especially true (not the image-conscious part though) when I have to make decisions which require me to commit my time.
Let's face it- I only have 24 hours a day, minus 8 hours of sleep (I wish), that'll be 16 hours. Having learnt from previous experiences, I am very wary of biting off more than I can chew, and taking on commitments which might collectively overburden me. I have realised that the implications, consequences and possible repercussions of whatever choice I make must be thoroughly considered, for making the wrong decision would have dreadful consequences.
Currently, I am still rather optimistic about JC life, about finding the right balance just so, that I'll be able to
sail through survive these two years in RJC. I am more heavily involved in church commitments this year (and I do foresee, into the future) so I need a CCA that does not overtax me with too many trainings, demands, and rehearsals scheduled last-minute. I started this year thinking that I'll just join a slack CCA like recreational badminton and forget about it so that I can have more time for family and church. However, it now seems that is considered "inadequate" for a student to just join such a CCA as her only one. People would worry about how that would look in their testimonial. Part of me wants to worry about that too, but the other half of me says, "Don't conform. You only live once so make the most out of it."
Now I'm really getting frazzled about this whole CCA thing. If only Student Venture (christian fellowship) was a real CCA!
My heart keeps telling me to seek God. My mind, being the only rational/logical part of me, tells me to analyse it and try to solve it like one would solve a maths problem sum. However, a decision derived from rational analysis might not necessarily be right. The thing is, we have to understand that we sometimes won't understand the ways of God. His ways are always higher than ours. When He directs us to do something, though it might not make any sense at that point in time (determined by our rational thinking- naturally), He has a reason for it so I'll choose to trust in Him.
Having asked people for their opinions and ending up with them telling me so many different suggestions, it's really easy to get my confused mind in a whirl. I get easily swayed by the opinions of others, especially if I am still in the valley of (in)decision. Hence, I have come up with a list of guidelines in making my decision:
1. Seek GodHe's the only one who knows the plan He has for me, and what's in my best interest. Human wisdom always falls short so instead of turning to the counsel of man, why not turn to God? It's not enough to merely seek God. When He shows me which way to go, I will obey Him out of a heart of love and trust, without questioning or doubting. I don't ever want my feet to stray from the path of my destiny God has intended for me to walk.
2. Prioritise, put things in perspectiveEssentially, what is the most important? Why am I living? What's my purpose in my life on earth? I'll consider if what I want to commit to has any eternal significance, or would make a lasting impact in lives for God. I constantly struggle with putting my own interests and goals first before God's will for me.
"Everything is permissible —but not everything is beneficial." -1 Corinthians 10:23. With this in mind, surrendering my will to God is an area I need to work on. I am not my own; I was bought at a price.
3. Consider the counsel of parents, Godly friends, leadersI know that God can speak through people. But of course, it is a matter of who I speak to. Maybe I should just stop asking so many people what they think and try seeking the counsel of those who have a spiritual responsibility over me- people who are wise in their years, whom God has given wisdom to so that they can help young ones like me navigate the difficult paths their calloused feet have previously thread on- namely, my parents, adults and pastors. Now, why didn't I think of that earlier?
Maybe I need to stop thinking about myself, and start thinking about God and others. This brings to mind my new year resolution, which is based on the verses Matthew 22:36-38. Perhaps I should join a CCA that does not take up that much of my time, for investing my time and efforts in the kingdom of God is the most worthwhile. Not that I'll neglect my CCA; I just want to be able to honour my commitment to God in serving Him, and to my CCA at the same time.
Initially, I was thinking of taking up a sport. But now that I've really pondered about it, prayed about it, and have clarified my thoughts through writing, I come to the conclusion that it might not necessarily be the best choice for me. I don't want to have that pressure of balancing an increased JC workload, family, church, and a very demanding CCA among other things.
I've come to realise that when I make a decision and feel God's peace, I know that I'm on the right track. Though I have not specifically decided what CCA to join, at least I've narrowed down the scope.
Ah well, though it is excrutiatingly agonising, God uses every single decision-making process to test us, mould us, and teach us to trust in Him, despite the pressures and uncertainties which threaten to overwhelm us. Like how Abraham was willing to surrender Issac on the sacrificial stone, I will lay my dreams, ambitions, fears and inadequacies all at the foot of the cross as I take that step of faith to choose the right path. Though I may not be able to see where the road not taken might lead, I will trust in Him for He holds my future in His Almighty hands.
This one's for You, Lord.
2comments
2 Comments
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at 10:26 am
JOANE ADELPHIE ; said...
hey thru e thing u wrote i can feel tt god did really speak to u so much man.. continue to listen till... :)
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at 9:20 pm
BionicScribe said...
After a long time i read abt a situation i myself face quite often--the pain of making a decision. I decide to trust in God, but somehow i can never figure out what exactly God has in store for me. The I decide to use rational thinking. Here again despite doing everything right somehow something u really worked for might not bear fruit. The u tell urself this was not God's will.
But recently I was reading the book of Ezekiel. Here the Israelites looked towards Egypt for help instead of towards God. This of course lands them in trouble.
So I have decided I will wait for God's will to be fulfilled in my life.
But sometimes the wait can be agonising. And then u see many signs pointing towards a decision. But it might not work out. So how do u figure out what God wants? And how do u handle the period of indecision. Just let life take its course without any planning of your own? Ur views...