lifesong
Everyone needs compassion
Love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Saviour
The hope of nations
Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender
Shine your light in
Let the whole world see
We're singing, for the glory
Of the risen King
Jesus, Shine your light in
Let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory
Of the risen king
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
-3:32 pm
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not
easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails.
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-2:45 pm
Should I just forget it if it's not worth it at all? Maybe it's just too bad things turned out this way.
But Lord I can't go on without forgiving or reconciliation. I can't.
I can't pretend that it doesn't hurt either, because it does, though I try not to show it. So tell me what to do next.
Hebrews 12:14-15Try to stay out of all quarrels... Look after each other so that not one of you will fail to find God's best blessings. Watch out that no bitterness takes root among you, for as it springs up it causes deep trouble, hurting many in their spiritual lives.
Yes Lord I know the gravity of the situation, but the ball's not in my court. It's not up to me to-
Yes it is.Well- maybe so. I guess all I can do now is to be patient and forgiving in love, and wait for a response no matter how long it takes.
Ephesians 4:26-27"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.Help me Lord, then, to surrender that bit of anger to You. By my stubborn nature I would be inclined to bear that grudge for a while longer, to feed that growing resentment inside of me. But I don't want that. Please let it not become an insidious wedge driven between friends and siblings. I'm sorry, Lord. I don't want to play the blame game anymore.
Lord I also know this verse isn't only for me. Please speak to the angry heart that needs You.
For me, here it is- everything- surrendered into Your hands.
You might hate me now, but I still love you.
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Sunday, August 27, 2006
-6:16 pm
Brother came back today from a 3 day long scouts leadership camp. He didn't bathe at all through all those grueling hikes and (I'm sure) icky perspiration, except for powder baths which apparently, combined with the remnants of sticky human perspiration, do not exactly help much. He proudly showed me the battle scars he sustained through this pseudo-rite-of-passage; scores of rashes on his legs, mosquito bites and abrasive injury, as I politely tried to inch away from the wonderful fragrance of a boy who hasn't taken a single bath in 72 hours.
I imagine that the bacteria which feed on dead human skin cells are having a marvellous field day, courtesy of my ignorantly-happy-despite-the-fact-that-he's-so-dirty brother.
Oh, happy bacteria! To feast on the dead skin cells of my oblivious brother!
(a quote grotesquely modified from a line in Antony and Cleopatra. My most sincere apologies to Shakespeare! I hope he doesn't turn in his grave, knowing that some incompetent student flagrantly used his ingenius writing for such amateur, farcial purposes.)
I always wonder how boys can stand going without even one bath a day, when if it was me, I'll be so squeamish, feeling horribly icky and disgusting with that build up of dirt and perspiration on my skin. Ewww. I really felt like grabbing him and dunking him in the bathtub, scrubbing him hard with dettol soap and lots of water until all those yucky flakes of dirt and dead skin come off to reveal gloriously squeaky clean skin.
I have always loved the feeling of coming out of the bath smelling of fragrant shampoo and the comforting knowledge of knowing that you're clean, instead of being a feeding ground for various nasty, parasitic microorganisms. Now that I've started, I shall continue to enthuse about the wonders of bathing. Baths are good not only for hygiene reasons; it also has a thereupathic quality as well! When I'm sad, tired or sleepy, I always take a warm bath and it makes me feel much better. It's a little trick to help you sleep too. Maybe the warm water on your skin simulates the feeling of being back in the womb's amniotic sac of fluid, which makes us feel like babies again, safe and warm in our mothers' bodies.
When I'm angry, in need to some waking, or have just come out of a workout at the gym, I'll take a cool, refreshing cold shower. The shock of the icy cold water never fails to cool me down if I'm furious at someone/something, knock some sense and clarity back into my head, and cools my body down after a long, hard workout. The wonderful feeling of coming out of a cool shower is always soooooooooooooooo good.
Haha I sound like I have an obsessive compulsive disorder with hygiene. You know, like Donald Trump, who's so paranoid about germs and catching diseases that he washes and sanitises his hands as often as he looks in the mirror? Don't mind me being satirical here. Maybe it's the effect of taking English Literature.
You learn how to use language for sardonic effect.
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Friday, August 25, 2006
-9:05 pm
and has it come to this?
Regret, as usual, comes rushing in like the flustered passenger who has missed the last train- too late.
But then again, was I really wrong from the start? Well-meaning intentions still remain, albeit somewhat miscontrued, perhaps.
Misunderstanding is the numero uno wrecker of relationships.
Should I apologise for something I'm not guilty of? You know, just to be safe, because, what if...
Never mind.
I wish I didn't care. or didn't need to care.But the fact is, I do.
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Monday, August 21, 2006
-6:17 pm
Whatever it takes Lord, break me. If I have to go through the refiner's fire and process of pain, I will, so that I might come forth as pure gold. Cure me of my pride, my self-sufficiency, my complacency.
Whatever it takes, break me, Lord, br e- a--k ----m --e -. -------------------------------------------------
It's cliched, but life is truly full of ups and downs.
I have no idea where I am along that rollercoaster right now. It feels like an up, with so many unexpected blessings and marvellous miracles to thank God for.
Yet, I feel as though my strength might not sustain me through this week, with so many consecutive hurdles to jump over before the weekend. Then again, the joy of the Lord is my strength; it's not me, but Him, in whom I find my rest. Yes, Jesus, I will take your yoke upon me and give You my burdens, for Your yoke is easy and Your burden is light.
I just want to thank God for being so generous, putting me in places to be part of His plan for great change and revival. Lord, indeed I am humbled by what You have been doing, and what You will do in the days to come. We don't deserve it really. I feel I fall so short, not having spent enough time in prayer, in meditation of Your word with such a love and delight, not having sought Your face as often as David did.
But You say to me: It is not by might, nor power, but by the Spirit of God. By Your grace you have allowed us to be emptied out to be used as vessels for Your love, through which Your power flows. You've inspired us as well through this special person whom You've placed in our class, for the past season of time.
I miss Sabby.
I wish for you to know, Sab, that the Lord will carry on the good work He has started in our class as we as believers rise up to war and stand in the gap. We will believe for our entire class to come to know the love of Christ and the gospel which brings freedom. Thank you for having been such an encouragement and kindling spark to us all. We will press on to fight for our every single one of our beloved classmates, as God consumes us with a passion for souls when we start to awaken from our passive slumber of being merely Sunday Christians.
But you know, it's starting to really sink in.
I miss you terribly.
The Lord gives and takes away.
Indeed we send you off not into the unknown, but into God's almighty hands as you serve a greater purpose in unchartered territory by His leading.
Back here, back to reality, back to school, work
work
work
work
work.
There's more to life, really. It's only that most people have minds blinded to the light that can help them see the truth.
What is truth? (I'm starting to sound like some people I know.) Sometimes, you know it, not up there -points to the head-, but down here -pats my heart in the Sowden way-.
True critical thinkers study both sides of the argument.
Consider then, Faith.
Simple faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. How about that. Try believing. There's nothing to lose anyways.
Up time, down time.
I don't really know where I am right now. Maybe I'm in transit? So what will it be next? An up or a down?
Hm. This has been some disjointed stream of consciousness. I think I'll go take a nap.
I want to dream of no one else but You Lord, and Your infinite power which makes all things possible.
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Thursday, August 10, 2006
-6:58 pm
I have had such a productive afternoon. I finished re-working out my maths tutorial 6 and completed tutorial 7 on arithmetic and geometric progressions, at least up til challenging questions. Yay! I did not expect to finish that today. And the AP/GP tutorial is pretty manageable, hence the much-needed morale boost. My class really needs that after our maths tutor openly declared that he has given up hope on us. Anyways, I'm glad that for once I'm actually completely prepared for tomorrow's maths tutorial. Hm. Maybe it's because I decided to get more organised by actually utilising Microsoft Outlook on my computer. I realised, (thank God for Nokia PC Suite 6.81!) that I can actually synchronise my phone's organiser with Outlook on my PC so now I can update my contact list, add in appointments to my calendar and have a fun time striking off a completed task off the to-do list with a flourish. *grins*
But then again, getting organised and actually being organised consistently or following your plan are two different things. I sometimes come away from updating my organiser feeling very accomplished with all the nitty-gritties taken care of and my week well-planned out. But then I realise that though the tasks- which were taken out of my brain where they previously were, floating around mischievously and bugging me- are now written down on paper, do not by any means complete themselves. I have to still do them myself. Hence, I think I'm somewhat utterly ridiculous for feeling so resolved, very much like the hilariously comical description of Pip and Herbert in Dickens' Great Expectations, after they meticulously put down in black and white the sum of their accumulating debts, adding margins to the figures and such.
Anyways, I shall be completely random and insert the following prayer written on a card I got as a gift from Els' London trip, which I am distractedly staring at now. Oh what I'd give to write like that. The language is so lovely; beautifully old-fashioned and proper. But beyond the style itself is the abundance of meaning harboured in those aptly chosen words, which speaks of the author's devotion and desire to be heard by God. I would wish to put the words in old-style English calligraphy just like the antiquated font printed on my card. But well, though it is hardly adequate, this shall just do italicised.
A PRAYER BY JANE AUSTEN
Give us grace Almighty Father, so to pray, as to deserve to be heard, to address thee with our hearts, as with our lips. Thou art everywhere present, from thee no secret can be hid. May the knowledge of this, teach us to fix our thoughts on thee, with reverence and devotion that we pray not in vain.
May we now, and on each return of night, consider how the past day has been spent by us, what have been our prevailing thoughts, words and actions during it, and how far we can acquit ourselves of evil.
Have we thought irreverently of thee, have we disobeyed thy commandments, have we neglected any known duty, or willingly given pain to any human being? Incline us to ask our hearts these questions oh! God, to save us from deceiving ourselves by pride or vanity.
Give us a thankful sense of the blessings in which we live, of the many comforts of our lot; that we may not deserve to lose them by discontent or indifference. Hear us Almighty God, for His sake who has redeemed us, and taught us thus to pray.
Amen.
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Wednesday, August 02, 2006
-7:59 pm
YOU HAVE BEEN GOOD(Scott Krippayne)
If I never get to see another rainbow
Or share another laugh with a friend
If I never stand barefoot by the ocean
Or get to kiss my child goodnight again
If I never have another prayer that’s answered
Or have another blessing come my way
If this is all I know of heaven’s kindness
Father I would still have to say
You have been good
You have been good
I am in wonder how could it be
You have been good
You’ve been so good
In so many ways
You’ve been good to me.
You have shown me mercy upon mercy
Grace upon grace time after time
I know too well what I’m deserving
Yet you are still so patient and kind
If suddenly it all were ended
And your blessings disappear
Looking back over a lifetime
The evidence is clear
You have been good
I am in wonder how could it be
You have been good
You’ve been so good
In so many ways
You’ve been good to me.
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