lifesong
Everyone needs compassion
Love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Saviour
The hope of nations
Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender
Shine your light in
Let the whole world see
We're singing, for the glory
Of the risen King
Jesus, Shine your light in
Let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory
Of the risen king
Friday, March 25, 2005
-10:52 pm
*Listening to Hillsong London's Shout God's Fame- Center of My Life
Today's good friday. Brought an ex-pri sch mate whom Mrs. Kuek introduced at TVPS sports day to The Greatest Miracle Ever easter presentation yesterday. Don't really know the guy but anyways, he seems like a really unique person. Though he's very open, he's not convinced. He's a very seeing-is-believing person so I need to pray for God to *blam!* give him a supernatural encounter to really EXPERIENCE Him. Guess he won't be so cynical then. I feel so enlightened compared to him. And I thank Jesus for "putting light in my heart" so that I can see the truth. I was really blessed by the presentation. The 3 monologues of the different characters gave me a lot of insight to Jesus' character. I really felt that I got to know Him better then. Their stories, though just told through words filled with true emotions and song, was really moving and touched me deep down inside. Made me so thankful for everything Jesus did on the cross just so that I won't have to go through all that suffering and wear that crown of thorns. Really love Him so much. But as always, the video clips of Jesus carrying His cross to calvary, struggling under the weight of it, a torturous whip tearing at the flesh on His back, blood streaming down all over His face from the crown of thorns, His hands and feet being nailed to the cross, each cry of pain never failing to bring a fresh assault of tears... it was a realisation all over again how great His love for us is that He would suffer so so much. Imagine that through the blood streaming down His forehead into His eyes, He looked into the future, beyond all that pain and suffering and saw you, [insert your name here] being born into the world, and He knew that it was all worth it because you'll never have to die for your sins or go through all that He has been through.
Life is really full of ironies. (It reminds me of The Crucible and how the hypocrisy was so sickening, irrationally crucifying the most righteous people when authorities pledged to weed out the evil in Salem but never mind, more about that some other time.) Jesus suffered so much injustice, being condemned to die by the most horrible and humiliating death of that time over a vile criminal Barabas whom the crowd released on Passover. The Roman soldiers were mocking Him, calling Him the King of Jews but little did they know that He indeed is the Son of God and King over all the earth. Jesus died for those soldiers as well. He didn't retaliate when they brutally tortured Him. It took a pure, willing sacrifice to pay the price of sin- death and eternal condemnation. And now we're living in freedom because of Him. Though it made me angry and sad that they were so unfair to Jesus, God's purpose wouldn't be fulfilled if they did not crucify Him. It had to be done, and Jesus accepted that as God's will. One of His last words were "Father, forgive them for their know not what they are doing." Would any man think of others when He was in such unspeakable pain and at the brink of death? Yes, Jesus, our Saviour and Redeemer would and He did, mind you. But the world is still disillusioned, their eyes blinded by the unseen enemy whose sole purpose is to destroy and bring death. If only they knew what the Truth is... Sometimes, I just really wanna scream "WAKE UP!! Can't you see what's happening? Can you understand the truth?" But no I can't do that. The thing is that God's love and Jesus dying on the cross is irrational. Within human wisdom, we can never understand why Jesus did what He did, nor why God loves us so much. We need a special touch from God. You've got to experience it to know and believe it. What's worse is that our generation has become so cynical. That doesn't make evangelism any easier. But believers out there, let's not give up and persevere because we know that God hears our prayers for our friends and a breakthrough will come through our audacious faith and fervent prayer.
Anw, I shall talk about Tioman now. As I admired the beauty of nature each day, each sunset in the blue-orange gradient sky (I took soo many photos of that!) and the awe-inspiring scenery (clear blue waters and white sandy beach, the fishes and the corals), I just marvelled at God's awesome power, at His beauty because all His creation reflects their Maker. It was really relaxing and I must say that the experience was almost spiritual. I ran out of words to describe how
beautiful everything was, it was just indescribibly _____. Now I can understand why Mr. Lim's vocabulary was limited to beautiful and cute. Haha :) Still remember Avonne trying to teach him new words, revising with him every now and then. Got to know lots of people there too. Have always thought Joan Ryan to be really dao and a person who really hates me (for booking her). But she turned out to be really nice and friendly, a real humorous and fun person too :) We were all dreading our return to Singapore, moaning at the sight of badly-designed HDB flats along the highway, complaining the lack of lush vegetation and mangroves blah blah... It was really so funny, but true in the sense that we really missed Tioman. Then we discussed how we could cure our Tioman-sickness. Joan said she would pour water into her back garden to make a mangrove, Jav said she'd pour sand on her room floor (yes, the floor chalet we were sharing was perpetually sandy somehow) and Av wanted to buy those nature sounds CD of waves to fall asleep to. Every night there, we could just hear the waves crashing on the beach and it was so idyllic and thereupathic. Ah... I could just go on and on about Tioman and I'll never stop; there's just so much to say. But to cut the story short, I thoroughly enjoyed myself and learnt so much invaluable stuff, re-ignited my love for Bio and didn't regret a single cent of that $575 I paid for it. So yea, chole, char, you peeps should go sign up for it next year! It's a really wonderful experience, satisfaction guranteed! Haha... this is good for next year's sec 3s who will be missing OBS too :)
Whoa this is a looong post. It's getting late so I'd better get going. Can feel myself going into the stoned mood now >.< Slept at 2 last night watching Men Of Honour on TV. Homework update: MAD SCRAMBLE IN PROGRESS!!! RS is in bad shape. Ok, so I have been procrastinating. *bonks myself on the head* We haven't finished the report so there's no way Ms. Leow can vet it before 1st draft due date this coming monday (eeps! panic panic panic). So Cynthia's coming over tmr so finish the thingy (I doubt we will in only 2 hours but still...). Can't wait to go to church tmr! Miss service, cell! and the passion peeps!!! But I shld be more concerned about RS now. And yes, if I don't sleep now I can forget about being awake enough to do serious thinking for RS tmr so g'nite!
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Tuesday, March 22, 2005
-6:10 pm
I'm back! Missing tioman soooo much though, miss the ulu-ness and serenity of the place. Having nature withdrawal symptons already. While I was there though, I missed cell, service (worship exp!) and my church friends sooooo much! Anw, I'm catching up on lost time with RS and chem PT and stuff (eeps. checking inet for it now) so I'll post my thoughts about the trip another time. It'll be akan datang! (:
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Tuesday, March 15, 2005
-5:12 pm
Yes. I'm supposed to be rushing the lit review and methodology part of my RS report now. But I was distracted by blog surfing and yes, blogging. Went for the bio tioman trip briefing today. Feel excited abt it, but yet can't help feeling sad that my hols will be over once I get back. And because of this, I couldn't keep a movie outing. Sigh. I'm still not completely packed, and I have yet to start on [dratted] RS (ok stop this michelle, you're supposed to be optimistic about this. you're doing God's work!). And I'm starting to see the downsides to going for that trip. I'M MISSING WORSHIP EXPERIENCE THIS WEEK!!! Oh the horror! *think the painting "The Scream"* Worship is sooooo important to me and having to miss worship exp is so not going to go down well. Ah no matter, I can worship God wherever I am, minus the great Passion! Min band, but the music's not really that important (trying to psycho myself here). Actually I'll be equally upset about missing just service this week, not to mention that my group's supposed to serve. Wish there is church every day. I'll just live in eternal bliss if that's the case (besides the time when JC the King comes back). And I'm missing the peeps in church already! My dear cell 5, the noisy bunch of cell 3 '04 (including darling Charles who lent me his turquoise blue acoustic guitar though it's a little off in the pitch department)... everyone practically! I'll be missing my spiritual (and yes of course my real) family over there. Ok at the rate I'm ranting at, I sound like I'm flying off to some ulu part of Alaska tmr and never coming back again. *Whacks myself in the head* Stop it michelle, keep things in perspective here. Anw, I just hope to go to Tioman and learn lots of stuff, rekindle my love for bio and geog, and also rediscover God's wonderful creations. Being close to nature always makes me feel nearer to God Himself :) And now... back to the dreary world of homework. Yes, and my RS report awaits the one who habitually procrastinates...
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Monday, March 14, 2005
-10:11 pm
I'm troubled. There's just so much to think about. I'm confused about a certain area of my life that I feel I need to surrender to God. After the sermon about alignment for the future, I've been thinking of whether I should let things go so that God have work His power in my life. Things can definitely wait till I'm at least more spiritually ready/ stable. I don't want anything to affect my relationship with God, not even the tinniest distraction. But the innate human desire is always hard to resist. My will vs. that of God's is definitely not a good idea. So since I feel that I'm in conflict with God's will, I shall just follow the spirit's leading and surrender myself completely to Him all over again. It's gonna be hard letting go, but like what A. Dowdy said, alignment is always deliberate, and it involves sacrifice. I guess I need to believe that God has something better in stall for me, and through this, I'm actually stepping into my destiny and allowing God to prepare me for it. Romans 8:28- in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. At least I know I'm not the only one facing this. A friend of mine shared the same problem too. It's always difficult to truly grasp God's purpose for us, and when things happen, we question His reasons. But we need to acknowledge His sovereignty in our lives. Like what my friend said, it's really strange that each time we go to the altars, we declare God's reign in our lives and pledge to surrender our lives into His hands. But when God really takes complete control i.e. disallows certain opportunities etc, we turn around in disappointment/ anger and demand an answer. I usually just accept things the way they are, knowing that God has a great plan and it involves me. Like the lyrics to running after you, even though sometimes His ways we cannot understand, we'll never walk away because our futures are in His hands.
Another thing that has spoiled my holiday mood and annoyed me to no end is my dad's bad mood. He just insists that I wasn't telling the truth behind why I forgot to sms him my whereabouts yesterday. I truly had no bad reason for forgetting but he insists that I do. Sigh. If he wants to pick on me and believe something else, I really have nothing to say. Looking at him sometimes, I just wonder why he cannot see things the way I do. I don't know whether the problem is with me or him. He is just so unreasonable and.... urgh! Ok, I need to calm down. I'm just asking God to give me the grace to face this, and the self-control to not sin even when I'm at boiling point, no matter how unfair the circumstances are.
With chinese/ math homework + RS report to rush before I leave on wednesday, I really got to get going. I'm in the middle of packing for the bio trip to Tioman and my floor's strewn with all my stuff. And I'm supposed to sleep early because there's in briefing in sch tmr. Oh wells. It's hard to enjoy the hols but I've gotta try. Can't wait to finish packing and go off for TAWG. I'm so determined to have TAWG every day even when I'm in Tioman. God's really my one and only lifeline in this insanely depraved world. Really.
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Tuesday, March 08, 2005
-1:53 pm
Sigh. The bell just rang, signalling the start of my research studies block. I'm in school now, using the computer in my homeroom. Had lunch at 9.30am cos I had to do a make-up bio prac during lunch (which is just over). Was kinda fun- it's some prac about making baby animals (we're doing monohybrid inheritance and genes and stuff now). So we had to randomly pick genes from the father and mother, represented by black and white beads (dominant and recessive traits) to form the baby animal! This bio module is really interesting (: Anw, I'd better start thinking of what courses I wanna take in RJ. I'll definitely take pure Arts and bio as a contrasting science subject. But according to my geog teacher, RJ doesn't have a very large Art faculty. I wanna take all the humanities, if there's such a combi: LIT!, geog, econs, history and theatre studies. This is exciting *grin* Can't wait to go up to RJ. But for now, I'll have to work hard to make sure I can go to RJ. RS is in shambles and we're horribly behind time (1st draft of report is due in less than 2 weeks!) so I'll be going now...
PS: I love my RS mentor! Ms. Leow so rocks. She even gave us a big fresh pear each once :) We asked to postpone consultation to friday because we haven't done anything since last week and she readily agreed! She's really a God-send.
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Wednesday, March 02, 2005
-7:22 pm
Eep. Fell sick and didn't go to school today (And it's only March!). Actually I was much worse in sch yesterday (i.e. very bad leaky nose and a horrid horrid sore throat). I came hope and slept at 7.30 cos I really cldn't take it. Those who sit around me in class would know from my desk being scattered with balls of tissue and the loud sneezes (sorry lah, I cldn't help it). And I had to stay back from CCA when I cldn't even stay awake in geog class! Nor force my sleepy mind to focus when I'm having such a terrible headache. Sigh. What's worse was that after I finished rushing my article during Trib and asked to be excused from EXCO debrief to go home, SHE asked "Can you stay a while for the exco meeting?" I was like, HELLOO? what's your problem? Can't you see that I'm barely surviving there in the cold room and you wants me to stay? Sigh. And the huge mounds of used tissue on the table didn't even achieve it's purpose of dramatic effect. It's either that she's blind or she chose not to take that into account. CCA ends at 5.30 pm sharp and usually we have to stay back till 6 plus for her looong EXCO debriefs. This woman really needs to stop being such a workaholic. It's fine if she herself doesn't want to have a life but when she infringes on other people's rights by making us do stuff that's beyond our responsibility and stay back so late, it's really irks me. Ok I shall stop complaining about her now.
I had a good rest today. Slept for practically the whole day except for waking up for meals and medicine. Then I woke up at 5 smth to do homework (cos i'm much better and will be going back to school tmr). I realised that I didn't quite miss that much but it was far more important for me to get rested enough so that I'll have energy for the rest of the week. After this, I'll still have to kinda study for a chinese compo test tmr and sleep by 8pm. And I'm already feeling tired (must be the medicine). The pace of sch life in RGS is so fast and intensive that you can't afford to miss too many lessons or you'll lag rather far behind. That's why we must all take care of ourselves. I guess I succumbed to the cold cos of my sleep deficit + weakened immune system. And there's a board GM tmr (compulsory attendance) which my dad wants me to miss cos he says I need the rest. Which is true, but sigh, I don't know if I'll be discredited for that.
My mom's at the hospital visiting my gran now. I wonder how she is. She fell really sick a few days ago and we didn't find out until my mom called her up on monday. I'm worried for her cos she's pretty weak nowadays, considering her age. And I want to go see her, but I'm regrettably trapped in the whirlwind of school life (urgh!). One failure of humans is that we don't tell our loved ones how much we love them until it's too late. Not to be pessimistic, but I'm scared. She's the only grandparent I have left and I love her soooo much. Maybe I can pop by the hospital tmr after sch...
Anyways, I'd better get going now. I really need all the sleep I can get.
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