lifesong
Everyone needs compassion
Love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Saviour
The hope of nations
Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender
Shine your light in
Let the whole world see
We're singing, for the glory
Of the risen King
Jesus, Shine your light in
Let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory
Of the risen king
Saturday, October 15, 2005
-11:40 pm
She rushed into the chapel, a film of perspiration lining her forehead. Hurriedly, she tucked her guitar away behind some chairs at the back of the room and headed towards where everyone else was already seated.
Trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, she slipped into an empty seat at the end of the row, aware of how late she was in arriving. "This is not good," she thought to herself, "This is only my first time and I'm late." With a sigh, she quickly tuned in to what Bro. Victor was saying.
After an enriching time of sharing and learning, they took a quick break.
Relieved to see her friends, they chatted for a while. Though her close friends were around, she couldn't help but feel alien to the scene. She felt as though she didn't quite belong and was sure that she stuck out like a sore thumb. At the same time as it was a privilege to be invited, she felt unworthy of being included in such a session, which was only for those serving in the worship ministry.
"Hey, what time did you arrive?" a friend asked, "I didn't see you earlier." She shook off the thought.
"Oh, I came a little late so I sat at the back," she replied, and then remembered to add a smile.
They started to enter into a time of free worship, to see where the Lord was leading them. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on God, but all she could feel was that all too familiar sense of emptiness. Her mind started to wander, and she forced it back to God each time she got distracted. She sang the words of the song, feeling as though she meant what she was singing but somehow, something was wrong.
She didn't know if it was possible to concentrate too much but that was what she was doing. It seemed to drain her energy away and gave her a headache, but yet she couldn't feel that presence she so longed for. It seemed like eons ago when she last felt it. "Is worship supposed to be that difficult, Lord?" she asked, half wanting to give up in frustration. But then came the call.
"I sense that some of you here are going through a drought in your worship life. You've been trying to engage in worship but somehow God just seems so far away, your worship seems to be going nowhere..."
She recognised herself in that description, remembering the times she struggled through her worship during her time alone with God. She would feel so disappointed at the end, not having received anything from God or feeling His spirit moving at all.
"But you know what, God has always been there, He has promised that. Whenever and wherever you worship, He's right in the room with you, whether you realise it or not. He is just wanting to embrace you..."
As she heard those words, words which she needed to hear so badly, tears stung her tired eyes and spilled over down her cheeks. She could imagine Him right in front of her, holding out His loving arms and giving her a hug, like a Father to a child.
As she stepped out to answer the call, her exasperation with her worship life hitting rock bottom dissolved, taken away by an invisible hand which also felt the wet her tears. She reached out to the heavens, laying down everything at the foot of the cross. She was so wrought with desperation, wating to feel the touch and holy presence of the King she loves. She sang with all her heart, soul and might, not caring if she was grossly out of tune or if the people beside her heard. It all didn't matter because she meant every single word. She only had one desire.
You're all I want You're all I ever needed You're all I wantHelp me know You are near.Then, it came, likes waves of cool, refreshing water from the purest of springs washing over her fatigued body and spirit.
She wept, not in shame or sadness, but in relief, joy and indescribible gratefulness. She felt as though a internal dam had burst, as her spirit flowed with His as one river. Their precious connection was re-established. She worshipped Him just as she was, nothing more, nothing less. Her worship wasn't contrived anymore. In Him, indeed there is liberty.
"I will never leave you nor forsake you. Remember, I have always been here with you and always will."
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