lifesong
Everyone needs compassion
Love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Saviour
The hope of nations
Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender
Shine your light in
Let the whole world see
We're singing, for the glory
Of the risen King
Jesus, Shine your light in
Let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory
Of the risen king
Sunday, July 09, 2006
-2:04 pm
No, I'm not going to subcontract/outsource blogging to a private firm so that the monopoly of this one-writer blog can be eliminated. Heh. This is what happens when you study too hard for economic geog- you start spouting weird things like these.
Anyways, because of the risk of possibly losing my entire archive of writings due to the impermanence/ lack of reliability of the Internet/Blogger, I have decided to write more in my trusty ol' hard copy journal, instead of online here.
Though typing seems much easier and the text can be easily edited, the other side of the coin is that it is eerily so digitised that you don't really know if it'll always be there once you publish it with the click of a button. To read my blog, I have to turn on my computer and get online. Assuming that the Internet will never crash or suffer a major crippling technical failure, my online diary will be pretty much safe and kept alive, maybe even generations after I've gone. But this assumption is in itself a faulty one. How do you know that the World Wide Web has been, is and will always be? I, for one, will not bet my entire record of memories and reflections on a system that fallible human beings like myself (or more ingenius than myself) created.
And, I've had enough of the pain of losing entire posts when, in the process of publishing them, the Internet connection is suddenly disrupted.
Ok, the move is perhaps not based mainly on the above-mentioned uncertainty, but more because of the privacy good old fashioned pen and paper, leather-bound journals afford. Like it or not, there will always be times when you feel so downright -insert intense, extreme emotion(s) here- that whatever you need to write to purge them would be very much damaging or stumbling to whoever reads them unsuspectingly. I myself struggle with that. For me, cathartic releases come through worshipping God, praying, music and writing. Without the last response, I find myself inevitably susceptible to spontaneous combustion in every sense of the word.
I've always been struck by how honest David was with God, his struggles and doubts all very evident through the pages of psalms he wrote. Not only was he completely transparent with God, he communicated to God so honestly his doubts, fears, times of depression and faltering spirit. Usually, when we feel far away from God, doubtful or guilty, we tend to avoid God in a way because of a fear that He will reject us, or in dread of the shame when we actually come to face God. It's easier to live in denial or avoidance than facing the issue directly in God's presence. But David was different. His complete honesty speaks of such an intimate relationship with God in which David trusted Him with all of his heart and was comfortable enough with his Lord and Friend to share his deepest struggles.
That is what I call true intimacy in a walk with God.
This is an attitude of the heart that I want to emulate, to slowly open up all the nooks and crannies of my soul to God. Of course, He obviously knows my darkest thoughts and feelings, but that doesn't negate the fact that He still desires for me to come to Him and tell Him about it. It is an act of ultimate trust, and through this, I will grow even closer to Him. Contrary to belief, it's actually ok to admit our doubts and fears to God. They're not something we have to work through or overcome on our own before we can come into God's presence. Like I said in my previous post, it's all about being honest about it instead of trying to pretend that everything's alright. Although God can see past our façades, it takes a conscious step of faith to come before Him, to confess the burdens of our hearts. You have to trust a friend enough to divulge your deepest, darkest secrets right?
Nakedness is uncomfortable because it exposes us completely. Nobody likes to lose control of what they reveal and what they don't. But trust and faith is built when there is nothing left to hide. And that itself is not an imperative; it is a choice we make.
1comments
1 Comments
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at 1:41 am
blah said...
Old...but that's irrelevant. Been a while...but hey...
I know what you mean by not placing your trust in the Internet and relying on good ol' pen and paper. I do the same for things that shouldn't be placed on the internet under my name. So much of our lives are reliant on the net, but some things should indeed be preserved away from there.
Continue to use your blog for what you want, and sharing your feelings with God through whatever medium fits you. He hears, and he knows anyway; it will reach Him. Just know that I find great spiritual encouragement and even some empowerment in what you share in your blog. You have a passion that I gain and lose over and over again. To me, you certainly have a place here.
Thank you, Michelle. God bless, and take care.