lifesong
Everyone needs compassion
Love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Saviour
The hope of nations
Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender
Shine your light in
Let the whole world see
We're singing, for the glory
Of the risen King
Jesus, Shine your light in
Let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory
Of the risen king
Monday, October 30, 2006
-11:19 pm
Chinese AOs is in 3 days.
I can't say that I've properly started studying but I have made some progress. Part of me wants to say, "It's just Chinese. Anyways, you can't really study for a language paper. Even if you can, it's only 15% of the paper." But the more sensible Michelle says, "It's the last stretch. After dropping HCL to take normal in Sec. 4 and this entire year of hard work, I can't let myself get anything less than an A." It's always a tug-of-war. Rationalising and procrastination versus diligent action.
No. I cannot let history (or economics- the blemish of my promo results) repeat itself.
But I do find myself busier now after promos than before. I have indeed been spending more time doing church-related things like planning for Christmas and helping the P6s transit into IGNYTE. But God has repeatedly reminded me to not be consumed with the "doing", like Martha was in Luke 10. We are human
beings after all, not human
doings. It's easy to get into the thick of things and lose myself in busyness trying to complete task after task-
Being
Under
Satan's
Yoke.
I dreamt last night about some friends and myself trying to swim across a sea or some other body of water. It's all pretty fuzzy now but I remember there was a whirlpool in the middle of the sea. We were all trying to avoid it as we swam past but somehow we lost sight of two persons. We feared that they came too close to the whirlpool and got sucked in. I can't quite recall the rest but I just realised how appropriate the whirlpool describes the danger of becoming too busy. The ultimate whirlpool of activity churns on and on perennially. Along the way as we try to reach our destination, we will meet with this whirlpool. If we get too close, even to just the edge of it, we get sucked right in and that's the end.
Busyness is a ploy of the enemy to distract us from the goal in this race. Even ministry itself can become a consolidation of mere tasks, chores to complete, one after another. But what we're dealing with here are lives- real people with needs, feelings and dreams. It's a vision we're sowing into, His kingdom we're establishing. I constantly remind myself not to be so task-oriented, because the focus is not on the work but on the One who has called us to this, and the purpose He has for whatever we're planning or doing. To strive for a cause and not know what you're working for is one of the biggest failures one can sustain.
God often reminds me: serving Him is not about the doing nor the work itself but the heart. God doesn't require the work of our hards nor our mindless toil just to meet a certain need. Besides, what is most essential in life? Bustling about, so obsessed with to-do lists, attending to things that seem urgent? Or sitting at Jesus' feet like Mary did, still and truly listening to His teachings?
I often find myself struggling to strike a balance, to be still and listen more than do what I have committed to do. Hearing from God is so important and right now, that's all that I want. I so desperately need His rhema word. The logos is not enough. That's why I'm feeling kind of dry right now. I need a revelation. I need an answer. I need God. So
very badly.
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