lifesong
Everyone needs compassion
Love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Saviour
The hope of nations
Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender
Shine your light in
Let the whole world see
We're singing, for the glory
Of the risen King
Jesus, Shine your light in
Let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory
Of the risen king
Saturday, February 03, 2007
-7:49 pm
I recently realised how emotionally pent up I've been for a rather long time. Somehow the dam kind of burst open thanks to some much needed probing and I didn't even know I've been sweeping everything under the carpet. It was an unconscious reaction to whatever I felt wasn't helping me to move on. I'd just chuck it out the window, though at the back of my mind, it's like unresolved clutter that still needs to be dealt with. Guess I've been trying to be strong, to manage the different things that come my way in school, ministry, cca etc.
I don't know what kept the defensive walls up, but I do know that I don't like feeling vulnerable, unconsciously. Maybe it's pride, or a self-protecting mechanism against potential hurt and anything that will exacerbate an already fragile emotional state. I don't really know... But I think I've been lonely. Transition after transition; it does take some getting used to. Now that it's a new place, new team, I find myself trying to fit in all over again and sometimes, not knowing where I belong. There are the people you can talk, say "hi" and "bye" to. Some, only polite conversation, while others yeah sharing to a certain extent, but not really connecting on a deeper level.
I really miss the old bunch.
But as I step out of my comfort zone, I believe God will provide someone. As much as He is my best friend who's always there, we were made for relationships, not meant to walk alone on this earth.
Dear Lord please give me friends, close friends who will run this race with me, pray with me, and help me grow stronger in You. Thank You for the lovely bunch that You've sent my way this year. I pray somehow, friendships will grow deeper, beyond the surface; someone I can share with etc. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
3comments
3 Comments
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at 10:05 am
said...
hey michelle, hope you don't mind me commenting, i know it's kinda sudden, but i was blog-hopping (oh what a crime, haha, on a busy sunday morn!) & found my way here again. :D thanks for sharing on this, cos it made me. kinda collapse into a lump of goo, ie. melt. i think it's alright showing the emotional (or perhaps, emotionally vulnerable) side of you because it makes you very/more real to people. (: yeah. yeap! take care mich. take it easy too. (:
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at 10:07 am
said...
ooh, forgot to leave my name. but i don't like leaving my real name on the net. so eh, i'm.. what you call the very old cell mama? :| oh goodness, but yeah. think you know now.
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at 10:28 am
Mich. said...
Hey of course I don't mind you commenting. Far from it actually. It's nice to know that someone has feels/ has felt the same way? (:
If my guess is correct, you're S*****? (Hope that's the correct number of asterisks. Oh no... It looks like a censored bad word!)Haha yeah you're the very old BELOVED cell mama! Where would we all be if not for that cell huh?
I MISS YOU!
How have you been?
(Why am I here on a "busy sunday morn" when I should be at church- I'm stuck at home with an awful stomach upset and diarrhoea. >.<)