Friday, September 30, 2005
-9:56 pm
She was dead
Her soul longing but
Denied life for so long.
No room of her own, no
Space, no permission
Her body was just a shell
It wasn't hers but theirs.
Then, a brave new world called her
Awakened her from death's slumber
Hesitant, apprehensive she took
The chance to open Pandora's box.
She stepped through the doorway
No man's land between life and death
Stepped up into the brilliant light
Into the perfect haven of dreams
She breathed in the priceless elixir
Her ticket to life and beyond.
She crossed the rickety bridge
Testing each step so see
If she would fall through into
The furiously gushing river below.
She arrived on the other side,
Trembling from the cold,
But more so from the fear
Which gripped her like a vice.
Steadied, she walked on.
The scales fell from her eyes and
Her myopia was cured, no longer
Using tinted, coloured spectacles
To see the world without glasses.
What lay before her were familiar
The scenes of her fantasy,
The longings of her heart.
The songs she could hear
The beauty of the music
Melodies which soared over
The green hills in the distance
The water was crystal clear
No longer muddy as she
Had known in the time before
Cloudy and murky, no more.
The corset which so bound her
Fell away with a tug of the strings
Her rich black hair fell loose
In curls around her shoulders
Her blood thawed and pulsated
Through her veins, adrenalin rushing
She could feel her hands, her toes,
Her face, her heartbeat.
In death, she could touch
But not feel, could speak words
But not be heard, knew of emotions
But could not experience them.
She could breathe.
The air was cool, moist even,
Pure as dew from Mount Olympus
Her footsteps felt light, the weights
On her back disappeared as
She ran across the fresh meadows
Barefeet, the wind like a silk veil
Upon her face she felt a freedom
She was so unaccustomed to.
A knight rode up to her
Knelt on bended knee and
Took her hand in his, a kiss
In more than just a mere greeting
Drowning in the endless blue
Of his eyes which said more than
Words could ever tell, words which
She repeated softly in her heart.
Here it was liberation. She felt
Things which she had never felt
Before but some of which she knew
She wasn't supposed to feel
Yet, she savoured the moment
Relishing every touch, every word
As though there'll be no tomorrow
And the days would again elude her.
Time stood still, frozen in place
By the very lashings of willpower.
Suddenly, all things with breath
Cried out unanimously in one
Single uproar the birds fled
The earth shook with trepidation
The ground beneath her feet
Gave way like rotten floorboards
As she ran as fast she could
Stumbling, falling, struggling
To escape from eventuality
Bliss couldn't stop the hours
From slipping like the sands
Through the glass like how
She was losing ground
Vision fading soon
His face a blur
The grasp
It slips
And
she feels
Numb, stiff
Trapped under
The earth in a glass
Coffin with dried flowers
Withering by her tombstone
Caressed by the lonely winds.
What has eyes but
Cannot see, has ears but
Cannot hear, has a voice
But cannot be heard?
Yet, I know we can,
In time, somehow. It is only
When we dead awaken.
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Thursday, September 29, 2005
-10:17 pm
Urnegnpur. V zvff lbh.I actually blogged a whole long post about this but because the school-wide wireless network was down, I couldn't publish it and lost the entire entry. Oh wells, perhaps it's better that way, feels like it was meant to be. Me not being able to publish it I mean. That way, it'll be easier to forget, to not read about what has been going through my mind these days. I kind of felt that it was so loaded and... heavy with... a certain emotion, pleasant or unpleasant, that's subjective and another issue altogether.
I didn't feel good reading it after I typed it out, contrary to how we usually feel so liberated when we finally get something off our chest by putting it down in words or verbalising it. Doesn't make sense? Well, it doesn't matter.
Oh Michelle, stop moping. You can control your thoughts can't you? Your mind is not some hotel where all those baddies, the outlawed memories, can come and go as they like. C'mon, get a grip. You'll really need to work harder at it. With the way overdue RS project poking its urgent head in now, and with the weeks 4-6 schedule being crazily packed with all four options, you're got to get your act together. Not that you've fallen apart already but, the drama queen part of you never seems to be able to rationalise things or state them as they really are, without any unecessary embellishments or added poignancy.
Right now, I feel like writing a poem, just like how Adrienne Rich expressed The Woman's Voice through her writing. Good stuff, I say. And my literature option is really going to my head. Love what we've been doing every single minute of the lesson. Imagine, to go to class would mean: sitting down and disecting women's literary works, be it poems, reviews or excerpts from novels, and then having a spontaneously rich class discussion about the piece after each group presents their piece.
I would even liken it to what my teacher described as, "A ladies' tea party, no men allowed. We'll all sit down, sip tea and discuss literary works." That's almost like a book club. In a way it is, and I've learnt so much. It's truly so enriching to hear the Woman's Voice ring clear and loud. I wish I could one day write like Adrienne Rich and Virginia Woolf, and embody their female spirit within me too.
Cultural landscapes for Geog isn't too bad too. In fact, it's a real eye-opener. Whale Rider was fantastic, though I had to watch it again for Lit because apparently, we had to watch the movie bearing in mind how it manifests the Woman's Voice. I've officially fallen in love with New Zealand. It's such a heaven! The landscape was what took my breath away ever so often during the movie that I was really having difficulty breathing at the end. Alright alright, I know, bad pun. Sorry.
I'm bleary-eyed and it's not only from the lack of sleep. Why can't I seem to go to bed before 10.30 nowadays? Oh yea, because of going online and blogging. But then again, I figure I'll probably be a lot worse off if I didn't blog. It's too horrific to even think about. I need sleep.
Qvrq gb or jvgu lbh.
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Wednesday, September 28, 2005
-1:28 pm
S P A C E . yOU NEED SPACE TO THINK. iF YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT'S WITH THE RIDICULOUSLY WEIRD SPACES, THAT'S WHAT.
Forgetting feels good.
But do I really want to forget?Ohg V zvff gubfr avtugf. Gur fgnef, gur ohf fgbc, gur fgnvef. Bevba'f oryg. Abj gubfr ner bayl guvatf bs gur cnfg.
Mere memories which I try to shove out of my think-space. Too often the thoughts come back, but I try as hard as I can to conform.
Or rather, to escape.Throwing them out like old stuff one would find in the attic before moving to a new country, having no choice because they're just extra baggage, unecessary, unwanted
, lrg jnagrq.V hfrq gb xrrc gubfr fzfrf. Be creuncf V fgvyy qb.Like what sandra wrote, I agree that some things must be physically deleted from our phones (and lives) before one can completely let go.
Fb gung V pna'g bcra hc gur vaobk naq ernq gurz bire naq bire ntnva.
It's a way to forget.
Ohg abg sberire. Junk I never got around to getting rid of, they stay and plague me. Seriously, I should conduct spring cleanings more often, like maybe once a week. Stuff piles up really fast in my room (I think dust bunnies are wildly attracted to my room, they're forming a colony right under my bed and behind the table where the broom and mop can't reach). Maybe it's just my lazy nature, or more likely the overly sentimental side of me. I think I can qualify as a karang guni woman of the intangibles. *wide grin*
I specialise in emotional junk.
Ubcr, fbzrgvzrf sbe gur jebat guvatf, vf rkgerzryl qrgevzragny gb lbhe urnygu, naq fnavgl. Perhaps, probably, too many maybes. Out with the uncertainties, I say. What happened to the decisive, no-nonsense, level-headed and defiant business woman-like persona? Oh, I think she melted into a puddle of goo over a pair of cute, furry teddy bears and a metal keychain of her inital. Bah! This is pathetic!
The dignity of women must be kept. But then again, why do we always degrade ourselves, AND allow ourselves to decay into a mush of emotional anxieties?That's one more for the bin of the impossible-to-solve cryptic mysteries of life.
Oblf ner gebhoyr. Fullstop. (I know this is going to reap me a whole tagboard full of hate mail- if you are reading this and happen to know how to uncover the hidden black font words AND miraculously decipher the words- but hey, I didn't say that I don't like them all the same. *smiles sweetly*)
I started out writing about me but I think I've progressed to writing about the
US- females in general. I'm not a feminist, that's one thing for sure. It's just that after four years in an all-girls school, one can observe a lot, and the experience is rather, hm... shall I say, revealing. I wouldn't be able to expound all my observations, hypotheses and theories all in one post here, but I just might publish a thesis on THE VERY MYSTERIOUS SPECIES OF FEMALES, or, for a lack of scientific knowledge and training in Latin, homo sapiens femalia. Ok that doesn't sound that scientifically-cheem.
Something tells me that we still embrace these uncertainties. And
maybe that's why we're females. Wishy-washy, indecisive little butterflies, twittering from one flower to the next, not sure of which one's the right one for us, or whether the pretty yellow one would turn out to be an insect-ingesting monster.
Perhaps, probably, too many maybes. There'll never be too many to consider.
----------end of an (attempted) artistically disjointed post structure--------
*
Like the stars which bring out the sky's splendour, you bring out the best in me.
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Sunday, September 25, 2005
-10:54 pm
I am finally so close to getting my very own acoustic guitar!
According to su-mae and carmen who went to peninsula plaza to buy their guitars, they got theirs at $130, including the guitar case, a chord book and a pick! That's totally unheard of! Goodness, and to think that I've been hunting around yamaha outlets when peninsula plaza's basement is home to the well-known guitar shops with unbelievable bargains.
Mom and Dad agreed to let me buy it on the condition that I "co-pay". Well, I don't really mind forking out $60+ to get an acoustic! Ooh. Hope I can get my hands on it soon and that the deals won't disappear.
Anyways, I shall now lament the deplorable state of Singaporeans' English. One of the many things which irk me to no end is this: "Aiyah, why don't you just off the lights? You on it for what?" Goodness gracious me. I don't think the words "off" and "on" were meant as verbs. Rather, they should be used as "turn off" or "turn on". I've heard this many times and cringe whenever I'm reminded of the rapid infiltration and wide usage of Singlish in our ironically global, cosmopolitan city.
I am also sick and tired of people using sms language in blogging, msn and even birthday cards. This is something I absolutely cannot stand. Dun instead of don't, wif/wid instead of with, gurl instead of girl (and yes, clement reminded me about the lyk instead of like- distasteful) etc. I mean, it's ok to use shortened forms of longer words like smth for something in smses. I do that too. But the usage should not extend to our normal, everyday usage of the English language.
If we aim to be tomorrow's top financial hub and global icon, don't you think we need to brush up on English, especially the youth of today? As a writer and language-lover, I am particularly meticulous when it comes grammar and spelling. Maybe it's just me but I'm a stickler for speaking and writing good English so I can't help but correct others when they use improper terms. You might find me overbearing but I believe in maintaining the dignity of the language and honouring it by using words the way they were meant to be used. There is a difference between accidental mispellings and intentional "word-plays".
Perhaps it's time to stop being lazy with words and make that extra effort to use English the right way. After all, it would reflect our upbringing and literacy level, if we ever want to be called a cultured people.
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-2:03 pm
Next year, PASSION!MINISTRY will no longer exist.
When I first heard this news, I was shell-shocked, speechless and felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. My beloved ministry, in which I have grown tremendously, forged so many invaluable friendships, made up the most unforgettable memories of my life and experienced the awesome power of God, is going to be closed down! Oh, the pain! (Heh, just trying to dramatise it a little here.) But then, with the following announcement, my spirit perked up considerably and adrenalin was pumping through my veins. The excitement was almost unbearable and I couldn't stop myself from cheering in jubilation along with the rest of the ministry.
A new time has come!
God has called our generation to a greater destiny, to move into a new season of growth and preparing to war for our peers and friends, to win back our generation for the glory of God. How exciting! Apparently, God has been speaking to the leadership of our church and ministry, even through the prophesy of Cindy Jacobs, hence, huge changes will be made to the whole ministry and its structure. Well, for one, PASSION!MINISTRY and the Chi Alpha Ministry will be wound up, putting to a close everything we have built up since we first started out. This might seem a little drastic and will inevitably evoke some sadness in us. But we will align ourselves to whatever God has planned for us and do His will.
The two identities will be totally removed from the start of next year as a new district is born. The university students will move up to join the geographical district cells. All the sec ones to fours, up to the JCs, polys, ITEs and NSF will be merging to form a new district. Due to space contraints (yay we're GROWING!), Sec1s to Sec 4s will have a 3-5pm service and have cell after that while the rest of us will have service at 5pm, then cell after that. Currently still without a name, this new district will manifest God's purpose for our generation of youths, and arise with more power, purpose, faith and passion than ever before as we boldly step up to our unique calling.
Although still a little blown away by the total makeover inside out, I'm exhilarated at the prospect of being in the forefront of a mighty revival which God will lead us in. This is such an amazing privilege to be vessels of change for God. We're at a threshold of a new beginning, and the end for Satan as we take him head on and storm hell's rusty gates with our prayer, praises and numerous salvations. Satan will tremble in the seat of his pants and may come at us with all he's got, but hey, don't mess with the army of God! We're going to be a lean, mean fighting machine and I tell you, hell will be turned topsy turvy.
This change will, in essence, allow us to more collectively reach out to our generation as a stronger, more united body. I think this was be very effective for our peer outreach and enable us to move together to impact our generation and transform our world. Wow, I'm definitely all geared up for this electrifying new vision. There will be so many salvations as more and more youths will come to know Christ. I can imagine us packed into the new 3000-seater auditorium at Paya Lebar in 2007, jumping and praising God as one whole body of Christ, as our voices soar to the heavens where God will be smiling down at His children. Ha! That'll be awesome!
I'll miss Pastor Darick though. He has been such a great pastor over our section and has really impacted my life. Hope he'll guest-speak at our service. But Pastor Gary, who's taking charge of the older population of the district (the JCs etc) as zone pastor, is really cool! Haha, still remember him playing with us DL kids during one combined service a long long time ago but he can't seem to remember me. Maybe it's because I look so different now. He's a fantastic drummer and musician (did I mention that he can sing too?). Ooh I can't wait for next year! And I bet this year's camp will be positively explosive as we prepare for a new season of change and growth.
Hey PASSION! youths, let's join our pastors and adults in prayer as we seek God's will and purpose for our ministry. Let's pray for wisdom and strength for our leaders, as well as acceptance, a revival, an exploision of contagious faith and exponential growth amongst our youth.
Dear Lord,
I thank you for depositing in our hearts this seed of a vision and I pray that You will continue to water it and nurture its growth until it bears fruit. I pray that You will help to unite this ministry and bring us to a new level of intimacy with You. I come against the enemy's plans to hinder our growth, and I pray that You will keep those who are growing cold already from falling away during this transitional phase. Lord, as Your word says, many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. So we commit this whole restructuring and change into Your hands and ask that You will be the project manager in leading and guiding us into the destiny which You have called us to. In Jesus' most mighty name I pray, amen.
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Friday, September 23, 2005
-11:08 pm
Sometimes I wish that I can throw away my conscience/ self-censorship/ self-restrictions and just write about my anger, nasty things which I usually just try to ignore but it's hard keeping it supressed. I know I shouldn't hold on to these things but my way of letting go has to involve an avenue for me to vent it out so that I can get over it.
But then again, I know there'll never be a day when I will freely express how I truly feel with regards to negative emotions. Maybe because for one, I'm afraid of hurting anyone, the fear of exposing myself to vulnerability, and also I guess I don't want to look back on my posts one day in the future and remember all that. But most importantly, I only want to write about things which are
edifying.
"Let your conversation always be full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." - Colossians 4:6Anyways, do you believe that dreams will come true? Are they signs to what the future may hold? I've been having many dreams of late; I can't remember a night with me dreaming of something. And the thing is, most of my dreams are pretty weird. If you define dreams to be caused by one thinking too much about a certain person or subject matter, then I guess it can't be true because really, my dreams were so out-of-this-world strange! It's impossible that I had anything to do with the reason for the dreams.
One thing that has been bothering me is that I have quite a number of dreams of this certain person, the most I have dreamt of anyone in my life. The most unbelievable thing is that I dreamt of, let's call the person X, in a rather friendly setting (as though we were close friends) way before I ever became friends with X, although we were acquaintances. And what the dream implied actually kind of came true, although it wasn't exactly the same occurence. All the dreams were somewhat related, as in, what happened mostly fell into the same category. For example, like someone dreaming of the same person who is always antagonising her in all the dreams, though mine not exactly similar to this. Freaky...
Thought about it some more a few days ago when we started talking about dreams in lit class. My teacher mentioned that she dreamt of her husband ten years ago, before she even met him. She dreamt that she married a man who wasn't the type she was expecting to spend the rest of her life with (i.e. not tall, dark, handsome and macho). And at that time, she was dating someone else. Evidently, she ended up really marrying the guy she dreamt of! That seems like an eerie coincidence.
Another friend piped up and said that she dreamt of a friend's brother, although she has only met him once. She dreamt of him getting beaten up and guess what, he had to go to the hospital the following week because he really got beaten up! Some freaky stuff, I say.
Perhaps dreams can mean something, like how Daniel interpreted the crucial and history-making significance of King Nebuchadnazzer. Maybe they are like signs. All this sounds ridiculously mystical but God does speak to us through dreams and visions. I guess we can never know for sure what their implicit meanings are but the saying that dreams do come true is not to be taken lightly because they might just manifest themselves in our very reality.
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Tuesday, September 20, 2005
-6:47 pm
Just some random photos...
This one was taken at my mom's cousin's wedding on sunday night. Couldn't decide which photo's nicer so I decided to add them both. Joe's wearing my dad's shirt and shoes (though you can't see them). Notice his hair? He spent eons in front of the mirror perfecting it. Tsk tsk, boys nowadays are so vain. He's almost as bad as me!
My bro, Joel, and me. Goofy!
My hamster, Pudding. Aw isn't he cute? He's munching on a raisin I fed him.
Today was the first time I actually fell asleep in school! (The times when I nod off in class don't count.) I can never fall properly asleep in school although our room 1 is stuffed with comfy beanbags and cosy cushions. Was bumming around prefects' room 2 and had nothing to do from 12pm till 3pm when CCA starts. And yes, I still have to go although all the sec 4s need not attend CCA since before a week before the EOYs (I think).
Anyways, Cynthia came into the room and knocked out on the cushions on the floor and since I was kinda sleepy and bored, I decided to take a nap too. Except that I ended up falling sound asleep and didn't wake up until about 3. It was such a cosy nap that I didn't want to get up. Maybe it's the fengshui in room 2. Nah, just kidding. I don't believe in all that fengshui stuff. But room 2 sure is a comfortable room to sleep in. Now I know where to go when I need a nap (:
CCA was bad because we (or rather the sec 1s to 3s, since we sec 4s are in semi-retirement) got reprimanded by our CCA teacher for being inefficient and ineffective. It's today's second scolding I guess. Handed over all the finance records and the treasury to Brenda, the new treasurer, and briefed her on budgeting for the next year. It's all in the next batch's hands now. Found an excuse to leave early after checking on my editors for the DIY issue because the sniffles came to plague me again. Phooey.
Took the bus home with ongky and we talked about JC and the future beyond. I have a feeling I won't be seeing the last of her after we finish our A levels. C'mon kars, pursue your thespian dreams! And I'll be your faithful sidekick (: You'll do very well as a stand-up comedian! And when you get million-dollar rich, don't forget little 'ol me. The truth is, we'll never know what the future might bring ;)
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-11:46 am
There was a big hoohah during PE today because my PE teacher caught someone wearing FBTs instead of proper school PE shorts and her t-shirt untucked. He was trying to teach her how to "close" the racket so that the ball wouldn't fly sky high (we're doing tennis) and noticed that she looked very sloppy.
So he brought her to a corner and reprimanded her about obeying school rules, basic respect for the school uniform and the way she looks etc. I think the lecture lasted about 15 minutes, including time given for her to reflect. While he wasn't looking, she even rolled her eyes at him, standing in a "I-don't-care" posture with her arms folded. Though she looked tough, after that was over, she cried and we all went over to comfort her.
Apparently, she thinks that the teacher is always picking on her and that he's racist or something. But then, I don't think that justified the nasty thing she said while he was giving us a few pointers at the end of the lesson. He reminded us that we were to obey the school rules and not make life difficult for him because he had to answer to the HOD for our lousy behaviour.
When he said something along the lines of, "Although I'm already a senior citizen- I'm 66 years old- I still follow rules," she muttered under her breath, "Yea and he should be dead." I was shocked to hear it from her. It was obvious that she was fuming mad with him and all that bitterness had gotten to her head. I thought that was an extremely disrespectful and mean thing to say.
Although he sometimes can be a little over-bearing or longwinded when he scolds us, he is still our teacher, a figure of authority and we should accord him the basic respect as an educator in our school, what more that he is a senior citizen. To me, it reflected very badly on her and my good impression of her took a 180 degrees change. Even if he did wrong her, she shouldn't have said something like that, regardless of it being audible only for those sitting near her and out of his earshot. I just wonder what kind of values she has.
After all, she cannot totally blame the teacher; he had a reason for reprimanding her. Since she didn't have respect for the school uniform by allowing her t-shirt to hang loosely untucked in an unsightly manner, she did deserve to be scolded and our teacher had the right to educate her. Isn't that his job? I just wished that I could have noticed it earlier and told her to tuck in her shirt.
The Bible says in Proverbs that those who hate correction are fools. Indeed, one goes to school to learn. If one is so stubborn that rejects all discipline and reprimanding, he or she is on the losing side. Society isn't as forgiving as the school is when one makes mistakes. For those who refuse to change, I guess they'll have to learn the hard way.
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Monday, September 19, 2005
-10:08 pm
Paranoia.
Too much of a good thing can be bad, likewise in the case of caution. Yes, being cautious is important so that we will be wary of all those baddies lurking around dark corners, waiting to pounce on us. However, should freedom be compromised just because one is overly cautious, or to put it simply, paranoid? Should we all stop going to swim just because somebody has drowned in a public pool or in the sea before? Should we all stop going out at night or walking along the streets after dark, shutting ourselves at home, holed up in our rooms and live pathetic lives just because a girl recently got raped while walking home from the bus stop?
I daresay, if only the world had less of those who are extremely paranoid and too "kiasee" to even step out of the house after 7pm, it would be a whole lot more carefree and happy. Nowadays, children are taught to treat strangers with suspicion, even harmless old men who sit around the void deck playing cards or chess. Mothers would say, especially to their daughters, "Be careful of any man who stands too close to you, you must walk the other way. And don't go into the lift alone with strangers, especially males ok?" And they go on to elaborate on all the bad things which would happen to all those kids who don't listen to their mothers and are a tad bit too friendly with strangers.
Neighbours now eye each other warily, children don't greet their neighbourly "uncles" and "aunties" with a cheery "hello" anymore. Everyone is just contented with minding their own business and leaving their neighbours to do the same. What happened to the neighbourly kampung spirit of early Singapore?
I say we definitely don't need anymore tension and suspicion amongst people in the current terse atmosphere under the terrorist threat. Racial tension is building up at an all-time high and stereotyping criminals like rapists, molesters and robbers, just to name a few, by race or ethnic group is not only irrelevant and unjustified, but also threatens the very fabric of social cohesion our multiracial community. That just belies annoying ignorance and silly unqualified generalisations.
I hope I've proved my point. We can do a whole lot better without paranoia messing up our lives and cause us to fear things which do not need to be feared. Paranoia can restrict what we allow ourselves to do and compromise the very freedom that we have. Paranoia causes self-imposed prison walls around ourselves and basically, you're just giving yourself a lot of unnecessary trouble. Just live life the way you want it and don't worry about the "what ifs". Think about the "why nots". You can miss out on a lot in life and you don't need to look around for somebody to blame because the fact is, paranoia is a self-perpetuating mindset.
It can become a lifestyle, but the question is, will you allow it?
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Sunday, September 18, 2005
-4:36 pm
Notice how Willy Wonka in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory had trouble saying the word "parents"? He always stuttered and just couldn't get it out of his mouth. I have no qualms pronouncing "parents" but I can't seem to figure out why I'm always at loggerheads with them.
I think my biggest struggle right now is my relationship with my parents. It has been one of the longest unresolved issues in my life and I feel that God wants me to resolve it because somehow, it's affecting my walk with Him. The whole thing's rather complicated. The bottom line is that my parents just don't trust me. We always have differing points of view.
They think I'm going out too often when I seldom go out by normal standards, maybe at most once a week, and sometimes I don't even go out during the week, unless you count church. It was only during the week after exams did I go out twice. And already they were making so much noise about it. Even during the exam period, my mother had issues with me going out to study with friends from church. What's more ridiculous is that my dad thought that I have a boyfriend and I'm lying to them to cover up going out for double or triple dates with friends. What is this? They obviously don't know me well enough to trust that I won't get involved in such things.
My take on it is that they feel insecure. I guess it's natural for them to worry about me because I'm the eldest, the first child going through teenage years, I'm a girl and I've faced stress problems before so they think I can't take care of myself. I know that they love me and are doing all these out of concern. But really, I feel that they're overprotective/ too controlling. They don't realise that I'm growing up and I need the space, the freedom. They even object to me closing my room door when I have tawg or just need some time to myself. I mean, where can I go when I just need a good cry and be alone? I can't be in my room with the door wide open and people popping in and out.
They're really unreasonable sometimes. They tend to pick on the littlest things I do, like pasting a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door when I needed the quiet. Sometimes I just don't understand why they are so uptight, especially my dad. In reprimanding me, he's the one whose words and look can kill. He doesn't condemn the action but attacks you as a person, shreds your self-esteem and makes you feel reduced to the algae at the bottom of the pond- useless and inferior. I always feel maligned when he scolds me.
I often get angry and struggle to contain my outburst because I know it'll just make the situation worse. Sometimes my meek defense is taken as rebellion and disrespect. I can't never reason with him or explain myself so what's the point of trying? Even if he listens, he takes it the wrong way. So I just keep quiet and try to bear with it. Then after that, I would go to my room and let the tears flow freely, or rant or pray or just worship God, surrendering my feelings to Him.
He doesn't know that the words he uses hurt. They hurt and they leave a scar. I might seem okay on the outside but those flaming arrows do big time internal damage emotionally. Sometimes I get to the point where I don't care anymore. I'm numb. I just shut out the angry tirade and focus on calming myself down before I explode and do myself and others irrevocable damage. It's really hard. And I get so tired very often. Supressing your emotions before they boil to the surface is draining. It's stifling, all these restrictions. Like a spring, the more one is being restricted, the more one yearns for freedom and the more one would rebel. I know I won't rebel, but there's only so much I can take.
What happened to the command, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children"?
But then again, I guess I'm at fault too. Being hot-tempered, I sometimes lose control and say things which aren't respectful to them, or slam the door a little too hard. The more they scold me, the more I run away from them, preferring to stay in my room or go out instead of talking to them or being at home. To me, I need an escape. Sometimes, I need to walk away in the middle of an argument or scolding in order not to blow up or maintain my cool. There isn't any other way. But they take all these as rebellion. I hardpressed on all sides, what do you expect me to do?
Break free.
Run away.
Leave behind everything and just walk away.
But I know I can't, I won't. Because as much as they are frustrating and unreasonable, God still commands us to honour our parents. So I will honour them. But there is a difference between honouring out of duty, and honouring out of sincere love and respect. I want to move from the former to the latter. God will you please help me? It's so hard when faced with accusations which I know aren't true but they believe it is. Yet, I will try. So they can't say that I didn't. As long as I try, it doesn't matter if I fall short.
Or does it?
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-3:47 pm
Finally got my broken E string of my guitar replaced. Thanks to the wonderful Pastor Darick (: Went to thomson plaza to buy the strings from yamaha and saw this nice acoustic guit going at $218! That's pretty affordable! But decided to wait till the end of the year where there are sales. According to my bio teacher Mr. Chia, there are pretty good deals at excelsior (if I've spelt it right) and some other places. I shall go on a guitar shopping spree when the school holidays start and drag hannah along with me. Anyways, I reached church ten minutes late and was feeling really bad about it until I realised that marcus lim and kym was still in the leaders' meeting with pastor dom. Phew! Haha, played some of my songs for Sandra and we goofed around a bit.
When the meeting was over, we had a mad rush trying to slot in all the inserts into the bulletins and had to redo some because
someone gave us the wrong instructions. Apparently there was supposed to be two of this yellow card in each bulletin instead of one. But in the end, we made it in time for the start of service when the door opened. Worship was awesome. Could feel God's presence so strongly.
We sang How Great is Our God, the song we sang at this year's FOP. It's a beautiful song which really expresses in essence how great God is (: Sang with all my heart and reached out to God like never before. Bro. Victor led worship and he asked us to just engage in the spirit and sing a new song unto God while the worship team played a simple chord progression. That was a powerful time. I blocked out everything else except God and sang what I felt.
As I lifted my burdens to Him, I could feel His love wash over me and the tears just streaming down my cheeks. I felt such His reassuring touch and liberation that everything just fell away. All that hurt and anger, bitterness was swept away by His love. It was the sweet presence of God I breathed in. Just such a beautiful atmosphere in the chapel then and I wished I could just linger a while more. Thank God for His faithfulness and His never-failing love which always heals and restores. Bro. Victor's message was really meaningful and overall, service was great.
Combined cell was uber fun! For the whole time, we did activity after activity as Bro. Chung Yiong led us to illustrate certain points. The most memorable one was the one which the boys and girls played separately. We had to lie on each other's stomachs to form a chain and all of us were so ticklish that we couldn't stop giggling. So Amanda's head was bouncing up and down on my tummy every time I laughed.
The first person had to start saying "Ha!" and then it passes down all the way to the end of the chain. Then we went on to two "ha"s and so on. We took such a long time to get settled in place and finish the exercise that we got only until 3 "ha"s. Some of us couldn't stop laughing so one "ha!" came out as "hahahahahaha". (: It was hilarious I tell you. In contrast, apparently the guys weren't as ticklish so they got till 18 "ha"s.
Wish there'll be combined cell more often even after we resume normal open cell. It's a good time to interact with other people from our section and have fun together. I don't know what I'd do if I wasn't in cell 5, in this awesome section and in Passion! Ministry. I reckon I'd be a wholly different person. Every single one of them placed in my life by God has tremendously blessed me beyond measure and made a significant difference. I love you guys (:
PS:
Here's a really moving video you might want to view. If a guy did that for me, I'd marry him.
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Thursday, September 15, 2005
-9:54 pm
It's late and I need to sleep. The cough syrup is making me drowsy and hence here I am rambling nonsense. I don't make sense even to myself. How strange (:
Just helped Kevin Shih change his blog layout. Found some really nice blogskins which I'd like to use myself but I think I'll pass for tonight because I realised that I'll have to do a whole lot of editing before it looks right. And I'm not thinking straight enough for that. I shudder to think how it would turn out if I did it in this weird, surreal mood I'm in now. Wonder if I should just revamp my whole blog, or even better, just start a new one with a new identity. Delete this current blog and erase all my written thoughts for the past one year. But no. That's utterly unthinkable. Change my layout, yes. But no way am I deleting this blog. I'll be losing a part of me and my past. Haha it sounds like throwing away pieces of precious oral history.
I suddenly have this strange craving for Australian beef pie. Mm... I can still remember how it tastes like. Nicely baked, flaky on the outside, crumbly pastry, warm stewed minced beef in a tasty thick brown gravy, the taste is just oh so marvellous. My family and I ate that for almost all three meals every day while we were on the road to Albany, and sometimes on top of meals of big servings of fish and chips or some fast food joint which specialises in chicken (not KFC though). This makes me wonder what's wrong with me. I feel like a cranky pregnant woman with insatiable random cravings for certain foods.
Speaking of which, I recently had a dream about getting pregnant, again. This is so freaky. I wonder if it is an ominous sign. BUT I always assure myself that nothing will happen at the wrong time (i.e. out of wedlock) because I'm a good Christian girl who won't compromise my values for anything else. Remember waking up feeling strangely disoriented for a moment. I can recall craving for laksa/ char kway teow with extra cockles in the middle of the night and my loving husband waking up to buy it for me. Ok, maybe I should stop recounting now. This is getting really weird. *shivers*
My brain is now grinding to a halt and I can practically feel the gears shutting down on me as though there's some power failure. This can only mean one thing: it's time for bed. Good night (:
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-1:34 pm
I'm stuck at home with a sore throat, which has reduced my voice to a miserable croak, a running nose, cough and a slight headache. This must be the result of late nights and eating too many durian snowskin mooncakes and oreos to celebrate the end of exams. Pigging out does have its consequences besides the weight that comes along. Got an MC for today but I think I'll head down to school later for my literature course so that I won't miss the screening of The Hours, as much as I'll like to just bum around at home and sleep my day away.
Ok now I'm gearing up for a typical girly rant so if you're a male and you're reading this, you might just want to close this window to protect yourself from the onslaught of vanity and petty complaints.
My mom has been telling me that I've been eating too much nowadays. She thinks I've put on weight visibly (which I disagree with
to a certain extent) and it contributed to this horrible outbreak of pimples on my face. Yea, maybe I have been eating more than usual, with the yummy chicken pies I eat for recess (I didn't use to have recess at all) and all that excessive junk food I've been consuming. Bleargh.
But then, if I'm putting on weight, then why do all my clothes seem looser and bigger on me now? Mystery of the week. My conclusion is that I've been becoming bulkier from working out more often, and all that excess fat has gone to some other place which isn't that obvious. Now where have they all gone too? I have a few guesses but then I can't be certain about it because I can't quite remember how I looked like last time. No, I definitely don't measure my waist, thighs, arms and what not with a measuring tape like
some other girls do.
People have been telling me that I've lost a lot of weight, especially since sec. 2, but my mom, dad and maid disagrees. Think about it, if my family members, who see me every day think I've put on weight, surely it must be true because usually the people who see you most often can't tell minor changes in appearances. Hmph. Majority wins I guess so I think I'll just reduce my calorie intake and be more self-controlled when confronted with temptations like a mountain of chocolate fudge ice cream. Like they say, a moment on the lips, forever on the hips.
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Monday, September 12, 2005
-9:40 pm
Finally, a cell 5 photo with me in it! (eek, why do I always look so pok in photos?) Haha, but sadly, not the whole cell's pictured here.
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Sunday, September 11, 2005
-6:20 pm
No. I refuse to engage in verbal sparring with you.
You can say whatever you want to insult me but I will not return fire. It's natural that you hate me and I don't blame you for that. But you don't understand a lot of things. It's just a pity that the friendship couldn't last.
You might think you know everything about me since I chose to confide in you for a period of time, but you don't. You can't see through the deepest part of me. For all you know, my life may not be all that perfect. You don't know a lot about me actually, what you see and hear is just the tip of the iceberg. After all, I choose what I want to reveal, and what not to. There are invisible blemishes which are unknown to you, flaws which only I know, and perhaps the people who are closest to me. Maybe you're making too many assumptions, unqualified generalisations which are risky because the truth can be far from it. Ever heard the saying, "Don't judge a book by its cover"? I'm sure you have.
Everyone has a dark story to tell. Do you want to hear mine? To quote a friend, perhaps the question is should I ever tell it. You might not be able to handle what you don't know. Things may seem oh so wonderful and smooth-going for me all the time, and I look as though I'm always on top of things.
But am I?
Does such a perfect life even exist? You should know the answer to that. Stop being so hard on yourself. No one's perfect. Only God and Christ are. Do you even dare to call someone perfect? To put a mere human being on the same pedestal as God? I hope you know what you're talking about when you call someone perfect. Perfection is implausible with regards to mankind. You're a smart person, you should know that. To label someone as perfect would reflect an attempt to mask your own insecurities, because then you would feel that it's ok to hate that person.
I know what you've been saying about me, and how you feel. It hurts, to be honest. It's unfair. But you know what, despite all that, I love you still. You're human after all, with feelings which are easily bruised. You're still my friend, even though I'm might not be yours. I can't help the way things are, I wish I could though. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes, listening to your problems, but yet knowing that I'm the cause of all that.
I've accepted the fact that I can't do anymore to help, nor can I change the circumstances. I can only pray that in time, God will help you understand and you will allow Him to heal the hurt within you. I hope, although I know I might be disappointed, that when the bitterness is gone, we can go back to being friends. If that's the last thing on your mind, I don't blame you. If you don't want to even see me, I'll willingly stay away with no complaints. All I ask is that you give yourself the permission and time to get over it, and know that no matter what, you're God's precious child, fearfully and wonderfully made, the most beautiful and special daughter in His sight.
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Saturday, September 10, 2005
-3:32 pm
Wow! I had a really fruitful time in church yesterday with hannah, pastor darick, bro kevin and bro victor. Sis lorraine was supposed to come but she left to go back to school because she realised that she forgot to do something. So sad. But anyways, it was an amazing time and I learnt so much!
Hannah and I were supposed to play our songs for them to hear and critique. So before that, feeling like a bundle of nerves being thrown into a washing machine with the dial set on spin dry, I headed to hannah's at 5.30 after CIP at woodlands library. There was this huge jam which slowed the traffic to a crawl and I got so exasperated. Thank goodness hannah told me that I would alight at coronation plaza so I walked the rest of the way to watten estate. I got there pretty late and you should have seen us in a mad rush; Hannah was typing her songs out furiously on the computer, trying to print a copy each for the adults but the print was so tiny it was illegible, as for me, I was trying to practice my songs (especially those in E major) on her newly fixed guitar, which sounded a lot worse than before it was fixed. The strings sounded yucky. Anyways, beggars couldn't choose so I chionged all my songs and then passed it to hannah to practice. So there we were, scrambling like ants on a hot plate trying to get ready and get out of the house to reach church on time.
Evidently, we were late and it didn't help that we had to walk the long way by the main road because hannah had to bike home after the session. Before we left, I got pawed by dear old Twinkle, hannah's dog, in the face while I was wearing my shoes and since I had ultra sensitive skin, I ended up with this huge red scratch on my face, which later shrunk to look like a mosquito bite.
Oh wells, we hurried to church 15 minutes late and ducked into the toilet to freshen up before going to the church office. Pastor gerald opened the door for us and decided to play a one-man game of captain's ball with hannah's hair tie which he yanked off. Hannah retrieved her hair tie and we met bro victor and bro kevin before heading to the conference room to have the mini raw session. PDa came along after a while and hannah and I took turns to play our songs. The comments they gave were really constructive and they helped me see flaws in my songs which I didn't realise before that. I learnt a lot from their comments about hannah's songs and all that technical song-writing jargon like metering, phrasing, juxtaposition, gaps, simple verse complicated chorus and so on. I'll need to go polish and improve my songs to make them sound better.
After that, we recorded a few of our songs on bro kevin's pda before all squishing in PDa's car to longhouse for dinner. By then it was really late (about ten plus?) and my parents were doing the nuts about me staying out so late. But I was really starving so I went along for dinner. Hannah ordered just towgay and rice to our amusement and we found out that she had never eaten popiah before! Bro victor and I had the same reaction when we asked in surprise, "Are you Singaporean?"
Late night entertainment was provided by PDa, bro kevin and bro victor and boy were they hilarious! They have the most uncanny chemistry. They seemed almost drunk, saying stuff like, "Would you like a can of Too Full? Where's my Too Full?! I thought I asked you to order it for me?" They were trying to tease Hannah when she said she was too full when bro victor as her what drink she wanted. Hannah and I laughed so hard until we couldn't swallow our food properly (: It was an awesome evening because we were with 3 men tremendously blessed by God with musical annointing. They amazed me with the way they could just change one chord to make the song sound so much better. As bro kevin shared about his experiences and song-writing, I was so blessed by it. I shared a cab home with him since he lives somewhere near my place and I guess I can say that I'm inspired and encouraged to write more songs for God.
I'm humbled by this rare privilege to spend time with these extremely gifted people and I do hope that this won't be my last time (:
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Wednesday, September 07, 2005
-9:23 pm
After a hard day of tutorials and studying for the upcoming final year exams, she finally reached the doorstep of the inn she had been staying in for as long as she could remember. It wasn't a 5-star hotel; just a humble place with a homely facade, decorated like a country-style ranch. As she opened the wooden double doors and stepped inside the warm hallway painted in muted shades of earthy colours, she could smell the fragrant aroma of honey roasted chicken and stewed beef wafting from the dining room down the corridor.
"Ah, dinner," she thought, suddenly aware of how famished she was after skipping lunch to make-up for a bio practical. She made her way quickly to the dining room, nervously glancing at the clock and realising that she was late way past dinner time. She approached the dining room with apprehension, not knowing what would greet her. To her surprise, everyone in the inn was still sitting at the dinner table, silence piercing every corner of the room. The only sounds were the clinking of glasses and the occassional clatter of silverware against the porcelain plates held by shaky hands trying to be as inconspicuous as possible as no one dared to make even the smallest of sounds. One look and she could tell that the innkeeper was in a particularly bad mood today.
As she entered dreading the worst, threading as softly as she could on the polished wooden floorboards but failing miserably not to attract attention as the innkeeper turned around and pinned her to the wall with a glare cold enough to freeze hot boiling soup. It looks like there's no escaping this time, as it has been with the previous occassions.
"Where have you been? Do you have any idea what time it is?" came the gruff, accusing voice, signalling the start of the interrogation and an equally painful meal of not only food but of words which would be extremely hard to swallow. She slowly sank into her seat and stared down at her empty plate.
"I've been having tutorials all morning and went to study with some of my friends in the afternoon. I thought I told you last night-"
"Don't you give me anymore of your excuses. Don't think I don't know what you're up to outside. You're still a student and you're already causing so much havoc! What on earth are you thinking? Spending all your time outside fooling around with boys. You hardly come back before dinner nowadays! You treat this just like a hotel."
"We were just studying. There's nothing going on, I didn't-", she pleaded, attempting to defend herself.
The innkeeper's wife added in her shrill voice, "Exactly. You're always not around. Not helping with the chores. Just minding your own business. How selfish can you get? You don't even bother to tutor the boys anymore. Always in your room, shut in your own little world."
The innkeeper was just warming up to the angry outburst. "And why must you always be holed up in your room? Heading straight for the computer once you get back. You don't interact with anyone, spending more time with that machine than with your family. You're just a stranger living in our house."
She suffered in silence, swallowing cold, hard pieces of food which got stuck down her throat, together with the tears she tried to choke back. It's no use saying anything at all. She tried to fight the hurricane of emotions and thoughts threatening to explode with considerable force, struggling to keep her calm and composure. She clenched her fist and gritted her teeth. She had to sit this one out.
She shut out the obnoxious tirade and cacaphony of shouting, willing herself to ignore the screams from within her and quickly downed her dinner and excused herself, starting to run straight to her room once she was out of sight. She climbed the stairs two steps at a time, their words echoing in her head as she dashed into the safe refuge of her room, slamming the door shut behind her. Gasping for breath, she sank to the floor, tearings spilling down the sides of her face, her cheeks flushed and breath escaping through clenched jaws. This would be one of those nights again, the lonely nights when torrent of silent tears would drown out her cries, her pillow soaked by tears, muffling the shuddering sobs which shook her whole body.
They just didn't understand.
It was only in her room that she could find solace. Yet sometimes, they would bang on her door and demand she open up, that she give a good reason for having to shut the door. The need for some semblance of privacy was deemed inadequate. Hence, she had to comply, as always.
She was a stranger in their house. It's now them and her. Not "us" anymore. She was seen but not noticed. Heard by not listened to. The only thing they noticed was her absence. Not that she liked staying out. It's just that day by day, it all became too much to bear. She had to escape it somehow or else she would break. But those hours of brief respite never lasted and were adversely consequential. She would always have to face the music when she returned, even though she was out studying. They were always suspicious of her, they didn't know her well enough to trust that she would not be involved in unthinkable activities.
Nothing could please them. Nothing would. She didn't know what to do anymore. After all, she was just a daughter with a family physically but not emotionally, a girl without freedom, a stranger in their house.
*every time I hold a pair of chopsticks the way you taught me, I still think of you.
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Monday, September 05, 2005
-6:35 pm
Hm how should I start except to say that I had sooo much fun? Haha I practically partied the weekend away to the annoyance of my parents but they just didn't understand I needed to run free (and wild) after a tough, intensive period of studying for the exams. It's strange though, that I somehow miss studying with my church friends like hannah, brandon and schezn. I know a whole bunch of them are at jon's house today mugging away (what good little children) although it's the holidays. According to marcus, "The hols is the best time to study".
After much haggling and painful persuasion (it was hard labour I tell you, especially to convince my mom), I managed to squeeze out a friday night out with hannah, kevin and marcus (complete with two lil kids- hannah's sister lydia and charlotte's brother leonard) to watch the long-awaited charlie and the chocolate factory. We practically became babysitters because those two kids couldn't sit still or walk in a straight line without wandering out of sight. Anyways, the movie was really entertaining and true to the calibre of Tim Burton, I got what I had expected.
A macabre sense of humour and jolly tunes insulting the incorrigible children permeated the whole movie, coupled with a pale-faced, eerily childish and sadistic Willy Wonka (Johnny Depp captures the very essence of what it's like to be Michael Jackson) complete with feminine giggles, an occassional petulant outburst and emotional flashbacks to his sad childhood. Despite the whole storyline appealing to the younger population, there is in fact a darker underlying theme running throughout the whole movie. It was the sadistic look on Willy Wonka's face whenever he saw the children getting their just desserts one by one, showing that he enjoyed seeing their sad fate but tried to disguise it with nonchalant concern, be it Violet turning into a giant blueberry or someone else being covered in garbage collected from the whole week. It was obvious that he was purposely trying to not find the key to open the gate so that Veruca Salt would fall head down into the chute. Let's just say that not all's gay and fantasy-like though it appears to be so. I liked the moral theme of family values though, although I wished that the movie included the second part of the book (the glass elevator), the ending was pretty nice and gives you that warm fuzzy feeling deep down inside which was a great way to end the movie.
Yesterday, I finally went to jam with a few people cos all our exams were over! It was uber fun, despite ancient equipment and a smelly studio room. Hannah and I took turns playing the keyboard and singing, occassionally playing the guit and all. I thought we sounded really good, especially for worthy is the lamb and with all I am. Pity the mp3 player couldn't pick up the music well because the amps were really loud. And I think the keyboard was too loud most of the time, although it sounded fine in the room but caused a lot of noisy static on the recording.
Two hours zoomed past so fast and before we knew it, the guy was chasing us out of the place. It was still pretty early and we all didn't want to go home so we decided to go to someone's house. Played the piano, guit and bridge there and basically chilled out after a fruitful afternooon of jamming. Dinner was the best because there was so much food! Haha piggish me couldn't resist the two extra large pizzas (beef and pepperoni I think and hawaiian) and my favourite spicy marinated chicken (I've never seen so many in one box in my entire life!). I can't believe we finished off everything. That was some feast I tell you. So we sat immobile for some time as our brain digested the food and made us sleepy and lethargic before finally overcoming inertia to leave before my parents do the nuts about the time I get back.
So yea that was how I spent my weekend.
Then came today, Monday and I can still feel the old tiredness in my bones; the leftover fatigue from the exam period still hasn't dissipated. Having to wake up early at 7am didn't help to even out the sleep deficit either. Oh wells. Went to school to do some MOE survey thing before slacking around, playing the piano and writing yet another song while I waited for cynthia to go for lunch. Had lunch at scotts picnic before we headed for cathay cineleisure for the movie march of the penguins. I felt that it was a great documentary, unorthodox and beautiful in the way the story was told in first person as though the emperor penguins could speak themselves.
The french language is beautiful and so is that director's portrayal of their mating season and ardous journeys to the sea and back to the Oamock (if that's how you spell it). The script was written more like a play about a love story, than a documentary about penguins. The chicks were so cute but there were heartwrenching parts where the frail fledglings couldn't escape the death grasp of the harsh elements and succumbed to the cold, fading into nothingness. That was really sad. I now truly appreciate the wonder of God's creations and the pain the female and male penguins go through just to preserve the life of their little one. The main question was would life triumph over winter? There was a lot of uncertainty but perserverance held out. Everyone should go watch it and you'll learn to appreciate how precious life is.
I'm kinda banned from going out this whole week so that I can help my bro prep for his PSLE. I guess that's enough partying for one week (sadly) so goodbye to freedom (again, for a brief period).
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Friday, September 02, 2005
-7:45 am
In 4 hours, it will finally be OVER. And in a few minutes, I will do the very last bio paper in my whole entire life.
I'm in class now and I've given up on trying to cram bio some more. Last minute mugging just doesn't work for me. I'd rather do something more relaxing which takes my mind off the exams (I hope).
Going to watch charlie at 4pm later. Really hope Hannah can make it (prays really hard). Her prelims end today
Went to study bio and geog at the amk library yesterday with Hannah and Brandon. It was extremely productive I felt (: There wasn't any distractions, unless you count Brandon so we were all pretty motivated to student and focused on our work. Managed to cover most of bio and finish geog then. Hannah and Brandon were trying to fast for worship min and I tried to join in. But hunger got the better of me and I decided that if I don't get some glucose into my system, I would become brain-dead and fall asleep. So... we trooped off to NTUC where Hannah bought her milk and orange juice while Brandon succumbed to a sausage, pork floss and cheese bun with a carton of mocha milk. The tuna bun I bought was delicious (:
Because we were sharing a table with this other girl from tjc, I think we made her really annoyed with our incessant chatter and laughter. We played a prank on Brandon. When Dinesh called his phone, Hannah picked up and pretended to be his girlfriend in a really cartoony voice. Dinesh was so spooked! Haha. Then I called him back and pretended to be Brandon's girlfriend, saying stuff like, "I love Brandon and it's all that matters. He's so cute, handsome and muscular! *giggles*" Goodness it was so funny! Brandon played along when I scolded him for talking on the phone and ignoring me, responding by saying, "Ok dear, I'll be done in a minute. (To dinesh) I need to go spend time with my girlfriend now." It just left us in stitches of laughter. Hannah and I confessed to Dinesh later and he was kinda surprised that it was me. Guess I have a penchant for disguising my voice well.
Jokes aside, I must say that the library is an extremely conducive place to study. It's pretty convenient for Brandon and Hannah to so I guess we can go there more often. But I won't need to study anymore after today! Wheeee! (:
Going to wild wild wet tomorrow! Fun fun fun in the sun. It's going to be a blast with my cousins. Ooh can't wait. I have an extra ticket cos dad doesn't want to go so I'm hoping cynthia can come along. I'm going to leave with rachel, charis and joel for church when they go for cell at 3. Then I want to pop by Hannah's to pig out and celebrate the end of exams until service time. BUT just received news that I'll be serving. So I guess not. We can't wear our passion tees cos it's collared shirts for celebration hosts. So sad. Hmph.
But never mind, all will be fine and dandy after today!
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