Sunday, July 31, 2005
-11:34 am
Thanks to Sandra for that food for thought. I can totally agree with her point of view. Having read The Handmaid's Tale myself and done in-depth analysis of the theme Dystopia, it's a chilling wake-up call in the form of a satirical novel portraying a possible future society that we could face if trends today are allowed to perpetuate. A future where women were merely functional in existence, without identities, divided into social classes which dictates their prescribed funtions. Forced to bear babies for men they did not know and love, to have children they cannot call their own. Subjected to emotional deprivation and mental torture. This is every woman's nightmare.
Nowadays, it seems acceptable and even laudable that science technology is moving at such a fast pace. Instead of decrying the degrading state of our moral values and principals, mass media is promoting challenging points of view, turning our youth into the very "depraved and crooked generation" the Bible describes.
I'm glad I get to do units like Bioethics and Globalisation for English. Issues like euthanasia, cloning and artificial intelligence all surface in our discussions. Do we humans allow ourselves to play God? Do we dictate who lives and who dies? With the swift mechanisation and automation with the advent of efficient machinery and computerised systems, will humans be replaced by human-like robots, and the entire world run by computers? Movies like I, Robot and A.I. shows how these might all become alarming futuristic possibilities given our present circumstances.
I am not advocating that we return to the olden days where farmers traditionally had to plough their fields manually, where factories employed hundreds of workers to fix together parts of a computer. The pros of having machinery can be illustrated by this following example. Doctors now have the assistance of precision equipment used to execute operations in which the slightest movement of the scapel can result in a severed artery and hence death of the patient.
My question is, are we prepared enough to handle the power we wield in the form of science techonology and knowledge in a responsible way, exercising them with proper science ethics and humanity? The moral
courage is needed to stand up for what is right, and not give in to what is evidently wrong. We all know that power corrupts. The rapid advancement of science and medical technology is all well and good, but only when it is handled in the right way for the betterment of all mankind.
Though territorial boundaries and barriers are being broken down on a day to day basis with globalisation, with the help of the internet, cultures and values are also being interchangably universal. The onslaught of Westernisation, or more suitably called Amercanisation (even Macdonald outlets are sprouting faster than bateria in China), has caused the Asian countries to lose their traditional culture, more especially for the young.
I remember the prologue of a novel Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan, which so aptly encapsulates this modern day phenonmenon:
The old woman remembered a swan she had bought many years ago in Shanghai for a foolish sum. This bird, boasted the market vendor, was once a duck that stretched its neck in hopes of becoming a goose, and now look!- it is too beautiful to eat. Then the woman and the swan sailed across an ocean many thousands of li wide, stretching their necks toward America. On her journey she cooed to the swan: "In America, I will have a daughter just like me. But over there nobody will say her worth is measured by the loudness of her husband's belch. Over there nobody will look down on her, because I will make her speak only perfect American English. And over there she will know my meaning, because I will give her this swan- a creature that became more than what was hoped for." But when she arrived in the new country, the immigration officials pulled her swan away from her, leaving the woman fluttering her arms and with only one swan feather for a memory. And then she had to fill out so many forms she forgot why she had come and what she had left behind. Now the woman was old. And she had a daughter who grew up speaking only English and swallowing more Coca-Cola than sorrow. For a long time now the woman had wanted to give her daughter the single swan feather and tell her, "This fetuer may look worthless, but it comes from afar and carries with it all my good intentions." And she waited, year after year, for the day she could tell her daughter this in perfect American English. A sad story of a mother's broken heart. Of heritage lost, hopes dashed and disappointed dreams. Perhaps we should ask ourselves if the battle between Western and Asian values are really what they are? I think otherwise. Western values represent the modern values and Asian values represent the traditional values. Hence, the conflict is not between two cultures, but between the old and the new, the traditional and the modern. I feel that adopting modern values are fine, as long as the values are morally correct. However we should also learn to embrace traditional values, with the exception of views like "Females are inferior to males" or "Females must stay at home and bear children, preferably only sons".
The changing world does not necessarily imply that our values must change with it. For believers like us, we are called to be the salt and light of this world (from yesterday's sermon), to preserve the moral values and be guardians against moral decay in this generation. To be lighthouses to guide the way for the lost, to shine for Jesus. We are to be the shining stars in the universe, to live radically holy lives no matter what people may say because we know the truth.
"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe, as you hold out the word of life- in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labour for nothing." -Philippians 2:14-16
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Saturday, July 30, 2005
-10:29 am
WHAT IF HIS PEOPLE PRAYEDby Casting Crowns
What if the armies of the Lord
Picked up and dusted off their swords
Vowed to set the captives free
And not let Satan have one more
What if the church, for heaven's sake
Finally stepped up to the plate
Took a stand upon God's promise
And stormed hell's rusty gates
Chorus:
What if His people prayed
And all who bear His name
Would humbly seek His face
And Turn from their own way
And what would happen if we prayed
For those raised up to lead the way
Then maybe kids in school could pray
And unborn children see light of day
What if the life that we pursue
Came from a hunger for the truth
What if the family turned to Jesus
Stopped asking Oprah what to do
He said that they would hear
His promise has been made
He'll answer loud and clear
If only we would pray
If My people called by My name
If they'll humble themselves and pray
If My people called by My name
If they'll humble themselves and pray
[Listen to the
Casting Crowns songs]
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Friday, July 29, 2005
-8:20 pm
I've always been interested in photography, though I'm only an amateur but somehow I've been able to take some really breathaking scenes. I just happened to be at the right place, at the right time and found the right angle. Here are some pictures I took, including the ones featured at the top of my blog layout.




I never get tired of azure blue skys, the crashing waves (one must patiently wait for the right moment when the swash crashes onto the shore), sunsets and just beautiful sceneries of nature, God's fantastic creations. God's colour palette splashed all over the world forming tapestries of amazing panoramas and awe-inspiring views.
Only God can truly paint with all the colours of the wind.
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Thursday, July 28, 2005
-6:41 pm
I know that thou shall not covet, but I guess there's no harm in a girl dreaming about these stuff though I know I might not actually get my hands on it.
First up, Number
1... an iPod mini (it must be purple -big grin-)
Number 2... a solid wood acoustic guitar (me and my guit on the ledge of brandon's house, watching the moonlight. oh bliss.)

Number 3... a rough collie

Number 4... the Casting Crowns CD
Number 5... a black, classy, silky asymmetrical skirt to go with my pale yellow top.
Number 6... a well-fitted black knee-length coat.

:) It's human nature after all to crave material possessions. But I know for a fact that these are merely frivolous pursuits, temporary assets which will eventually become meaningless, for there are other things that are eternal. I'm off to build up a treasure for myself in heaven... One more for Jesus!
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Tuesday, July 26, 2005
-9:26 pm
There are some brief moments of respite from the harsh reality of life, flashes of God's little messages of love conveyed through various things and fleeting moments. Like the other day before an evening power walk, I happened to see the orange tabby downstairs and just sat down to stroke its downy fur. I was listening to Your Love Is Extravagant by Casting Crowns then and the sudden realisation of how beautifully God created the soft little furball in my lap just struck me. A sense of awe and admiration for God just welled up in my heart. But it was over as soon as it started. These precious instances always leave me refreshed and comforted.
Was just fiddling around with the guitar in class today after school while waiting for CCA to start. Adelyn was searching for songs to sing for her night prayer meeting and Sara was helping her. I started to help Adelyn pitch her voice for the different songs to find the right key and I ended up playing the songs on the guitar with Adelyn and Sara harmonising. It was pretty cool! Especially when we sang Worthy is the Lamb. It was like wow. Because the classroom was so quiet, our voices climbing the scale and accelerating into a crescendo resulted in a really beautiful melody. Awesome. The gift of music is really one that we can use to glorify God's name. Singing praises to Him in the classroom was truly an experience; I'm so glad I chose to go up to class instead of stay in the prefects' room.
In a separate incident, I remember reading Monday's newspapers when I came across this photo of young, thin, scruffy Indian boys sitting forlornly in a room. The captions explained that apparently, these boys were among 600 child labourers rescued by police officers from a textile factory in Mumbai. Seeing the confused and innocent dirt-stained faces of those children just broke my heart. The look on their faces was just more than words can express. A picture speaks a thousand words. Tears threatened to spill over down my cheeks. I wanted so much to gather them in my arms for a hug and to tell them that Jesus loves them. I prayed that God would send someone to reach out to them, to lead them to the saving knowledge of Christ, and not to leave them to live the rest of their lives not knowing and experiencing the unconditional love of God. That would be really tragic.
And I reflected on how fortunate I am, with a loving family, educational opportunities, modern comfort and enjoying the pleasures of life while they were children without people to love them, didn't know that they were children of the King, without a chance to go to school- the picture was aptly titled "Children Robbed of Play".
God, I wish that You would touch their lives in a special way and let them know that You are their loving Father in Heaven. Please.
Here I Go Againby Casting Crowns
Father, hear my prayer
I need the perfect words
Words that he will hear
And know they're straight from You
I don't know what to say
I only know it hurts
To see my only friend slowly fade away
So maybe this time I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear is tearing at my words
What am I so afraid of?
Chorus:
'Cause here I go again
Talkin 'bout the rain
And mulling over things that won't live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be my last chance to tell him
That You love Him
But here I go again, here I go again
Lord, You love him so, You gave Your only Son
If he will just believe; he will never die
But how then will he know what he has never heard
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life
This might be my last chance to tell him
That You love him
This might be my last chance to tell him
That You love him
You love him, You love him
What Am I so afraid
What am I so afraid
What am I so afraid of?
How then will he know
What he has never heard
[To hear my playlist of
Casting Crowns songs, click on the link.]
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Sunday, July 24, 2005
-12:12 pm
I have fallen in love with the songs of Casting Crowns. With their beautiful lyrics and amazing music, it has captured the very essence of God's love and the cries of every believer's heart. The songs have truly blessed me beyond measure. Thanks to marcus for lending me the CD (: Here's one that really spoke to me amongst many others...
"Voice of Truth"by Casting Crowns
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
on to the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand
But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"
Chorus: But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of TruthOh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes
to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"
Chorus:
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth
But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
On top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me
Chorus:
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe-I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth
I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
Cause Jesus you are the voice of truth
And I will listen to you, you are-
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Saturday, July 23, 2005
-12:35 pm

[cynthia and I]

[me, cheryn-ann and avonne]
[ely and I]
[411!]
It was my last RHD in RGS. Guess it was rather sentimental. Almost everyone donned a traditional costume; most of the sec 4s wore saris. Despite strict instructions on a "decent dresscode" (i.e. no tube tops, no mini-skirts, no spaghetti straps), some decided that rules were meant to be broken. Needless to say, there were quite a few daring girls who wore much less than they should have. Wore a baju kurong I borrowed from Lestari, which kind of made me look like a bride because it was bright red. Haha, Denise said that I was an oversized ang bao. Though I was practically steaming in that costume, nontheless I had lots of fun.
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All the classes were supposed to be in class threading some bead thing (apparently, I wasn't listening to the announcement) but everyone was milling around taking photos, which really isn't surprising. Halfway through impromptu photo-taking sessions, Mr. Chia arrived in a nondescript shirt and pants (that was not festive at all). We decided to proceed to the labs to find out if our E. coli bateria from the last practical ligated properly. Jav and mine's did (the bacteria grew most bountifully) but there were colonies which still reacted with the IPTG and turned blue. There rest were white (: For once it worked; the last practical when we did agarose gel electrophoresis on our cheek cells was a disaster. The stained gel in the end was cleaner than a sterilised operating table and clearer than the most transparent glass- no visible DNA bands at all. Even the DNA ladder failed to appear. Tsk tsk. And it wasn't only my bench; the whole class got the same results.
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Coming back to RHD from the digression, I've really learnt to admire the different traditional costumes, all beautiful and unique in their own ways. Mom refuses to buy me my own punjabi suit or baju kurong/ kebaya because she thinks it's unnecessary. But I guess borrowing costumes from friends does have its merit. It allows a much wider range of choices and variety. Thanks Lestari (:
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Went to remove the stitches from my nose after RHD. That was uneventful. Aunt Judith gave me some green tea cake to bring to Hannah's place for tea break. After studying at Hannah's place, I rushed home for dinner; we were having guests from Australia over for a meal.
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Uncle Grant and his family were on holiday in Singapore. He's a friend of Uncle Malcom in Australia. We got to know him when we were vacationing in WA in 2000. He came along with Uncle Mal to meet us at King's Park. His kids look a lot older than us, although Caleb is only 15 (he's soooo tall!) and Kienna (I hope I spelled it right) is 17. She's one of the few female soccer referees in WA. They were shocked that I wake up at 5.30 every morning and school starts at 7.30. I think to them, it's obscenely early. Caleb wakes up at 8 and Kienna at 7.30. I bet they didn't know how fortunate they are until they've met us Singaporean kids. That's another pull factor for me to migrate. I admit- I'm not a patriotic citizen. I'm just waiting for the time when I've completed my tertiary education to move to the land Down Under. To me, that would be as close to utopia as it gets, except for eternal Heaven with God.
0
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Thursday, July 21, 2005
-9:54 pm
It's really a humbling experience to see guys cry.
I don't know why I'm thinking about this, but it just struck me last night while I was on the phone with a friend. I voiced my view and apparently she felt the same way. I guess being used to seeing the guys around us all strong and brave contrasted with the sight of them in their weakest moment. The phrase "sobbing uncontrollably" is just not synonomous with the image of males. It doesn't matter whether one personally knows the guy or not, it's all the same. I bet the sight of a guy with his head hung low and tears streaming down his face would melt the coldest heart of any girl out there. Trust me.
Not that I'm advocating gender stereotypes here, but this is merely a random observation I've made. I don't mean to be antagonistic. And guys, this wasn't in any way a negative sentiment meant to offend; I'm just bringing out the softer side of males, don't you agree?
Random thought no. 2:
I wish I could get some modicum of respect and space from a certain person. This friendship is really draining me, especially emotionally. I know I shouldn't be so selfish but I'm at my wit's end. To stay would be disasterous and counter-effective; it would leave us worse off than when we started. I don't know what you want from me, or what I can do to get out of this prison but I'm so stifled by your whims and fancies, having to check for your response and make sure you aren't hurt before I do anything at all. It's like having to get approval from you for every single decision and action.
It's frustrating. I feel
t r a p p e d.
If I don't, you might just kick up a big fuss. Pacifying you isn't easy at all (it's like trying to sooth a collicky baby with only chilli as the available resource) and I wish I could stop lying to you. There are times when I'm far from being alright with you although that's what I tell you. For all you know, I might not be such a nice person after all. It's a facade meant to stop you from self-destruction but it's hurting me. I can't be myself for fear of how you would respond; it's like a ticking time-bomb ready to explode, except that no one knows how much time there is left.
Give me a break. Or else I'll break.
"Sanity is a valuable possession; I hoard it the way people once hoarded money. I save it, so I will have enough, when the time comes."
-Offred, The Handmaid's Tale
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Tuesday, July 19, 2005
-1:30 pm
I saw you.
The sun was shining harshly down on you. Merciless heat.
With iron-clad hands, shuffling along a dusty stretch of road in the desert, you were bound in chains, from your hands to your feet, dragging an enormous iron ball behind you.
You were almost bent double from the weight of gigantic baggages slung around your neck, strapped tightly to your back. You staggered under that overwhelming load, just like how Jesus carried His cross to Calvary. Each step you took wracked you with pain; unbearable torment squeezing the life out of you second by second.
You were crying. Silent, shuddering sobs bursting forth from within, tear drops like blood, rolling down your dirt-stained cheeks.
You struggled to trudge on but you were tired. Too tired. You yearned to see the end of the road, to see where it would lead you but all there was was a hazy mirage of wilderness.
My heart just broke. It bled so hard for you.
But then you saw someone, a brilliant light. You stood in awe, captured by the beauty of a face with eyes that looked upon your sin with such mercy and loving kindness.
His peaceful countenance was so indescribably beautiful, radiating warmth which bathed your entire being like a soothing lullaby. Jesus held His hands out to you, longing to hold you in His arms, longing to carry all that burden for you, longing to take away every single hurt, to fill up the emptiness inside with His all-consuming love.
To wipe away all the tears from your eyes, God's precious child.
In an amazingly comforting voice that transcended all imaginable distances, He said,
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."You finally allow yourself to collapse into His everlasting embrace, melting into the tenderness of His presence, renewed by the healing of His grace. He took away all your burdens, broke all your chains, refreshed your spirit as your weariness fell away that you were free once again.
He transformed you into His likeness with His glory and you grew wings to fly. He held you by the hand and you soared with Him on wings like an eagle into the horizon, over the barren desert of your past, to a far away place where there will be no more pain, no more suffering, no more tears and no more gnashing of teeth.
Such is the love of our Father. Will you let Him carry you today?
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Monday, July 18, 2005
-9:04 pm
Am I really that predictable?
So predictable that people could take one look at a (seemingly) anonymous tag on a cbox and say, "That was definitely Michelle." And *dingdingding!*, they've got it right.
I shan't proceed to cast doubts on my own character, although some people obviously have a bone to pick with me, because I know full well who I am. Whatever people think don't matter to me anymore, at least not like it used to.
I feel the need to apologise to a dear friend who was exposed to my ugly side in an unfortunate post on her cbox. I'm sorry. People who don't know me usually think I'm "a pretty quiet girl". Well, think again because if you ask anyone who knows me well enough, they'll tell you a different story. I guess many of my friends and acquaintances don't have the "privilege" to see that side of me. If you'd known better, you wouldn't want to find out. Trust me. It is unpleasant of course; no one likes to be subjected to the wrath of a hot-tempered girl like me. In the past, it used to be, "Annoy me and you're dead meat."
Shocking revelation? Or maybe not to some.
Believe it or not, I've mellowed quite a bit since then. I guess I'm doing quite a good job of controlling my outbursts. I sure you hope so too.
I often think that I have this regrettable innate tendency of being overly critical of others, not to mention being rather judgemental as well. It seems reminiscent of my father. Perhaps genes which influence temperament do exist. It doesn't help that I'm usually very vocal about my strong opinions. Hence the various people who have decided that I am an "evil --insert an R-rated b-word here--" and deftly spread the word so that the whole world would know (specific examples being evidently disgruntled people I have booked in the course of my term as a prefect). Not that I can be bothered about it; I'm beyond caring.
But I'm really trying very hard to stop looking at people this way. God, I need to see others through Your eyes. Help me do it. Help me put aside all my preconceived notions and biases. Help me to listen but not react, to know but not judge. It is difficult to live according to the Word but nevertheless I will at least persevere in trying.
Sometimes I even wonder if people actually know the real me.
Perhaps that is the reason I keep a blog, though I tell myself it is merely for personal retrospection. Perhaps that is why I'm trying to be frank all the time, though the well-intended truth hurts more than pacifying lies. Lies are easier to tell than the truth. But there are times when I can't help wearing masks though I know I shouldn't. To delve into layers of my consciousness for an answer to the most ambiguously rhetoric questions. To blur the lines between reality and fantasy, to detach myself from the things that are happening, to escape the overwhelming metacognitive thoughts that swirl round and round in my mind, to look at the big picture from a neutral point of view.
Vertigo. Macro-concepts. Uck.
Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't.
[I'm desperate for someone to hear me.]
Though my blog is an outlet for self-expression, I wouldn't say it reveals who I really am. There are times when I question what I write. Do I write it for myself out of authentic feelings, or is it just a montage of half-truths woven together to hide my true reflection? Perhaps the potential vulnerability of displaying my innermost thoughts and feelings on the internet for all to see evokes a certain self-regulating censorship I use to protect myself from getting hurt. This is just a proposed paradigm. Some things just cannot be explained.
At times, I feel like Offred in The Handmaid's Tale. Mystery, illusions and historial facts all rolled into one. Fighting against irksome bastards like Professor Pieixoto. Him and his demeaning jokes are just too much to bear.
Whether or not what you are reading is fact or fiction, I guess
you'll never know.
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-3:54 pm
I have just stumbled across one of the most disagreeable and obscene blogs I have ever read. I don't even know how I got there. But this I'm definitely sure of- it is the very epitome of frivolous nonsense and inaneity.
I'm repulsed really. Nauseated. Utterly revolted.
I now wish, though a little too late for regret, that I have never stumbled upon such offensive garbage.
Granted, every individual has the freedom to express one's self, but only provided that the right is exercised with responsibility and integrity. It should not offend others with lewd and odious descriptions of certain taboo issues- which I consider to be an extremely inconsiderate and immature behaviour. Not that I oppose the discussion of controversial subjects. It is more important that one should respect oneself and others who may read one's writing in not writing about things that are morally corrupted and may insult others.
No matter how brilliant or admirable one's command of the english language may be that qualifies a large readership, I abhor those who abuse the gift of words in the most degrading way. Language is to be reconstructed as art, as a form of communication, as an outlet of expression for oneself. To use it in the wrong way would be the most blasphemous defilement of this gift. Surely one could use some discretion.
The power of life and death is at the tip of the tongue. I watch my words for out of the abundance of the heart a mouth speaks. I guard my heart for it is the well-spring of life. I can very well tell what goes on in that questionable mind of the-crass-blogger-who-should-really-shut-up-and-move-to-Timbuktu-if-he/she-values-his/her-life. I shudder in disgust even at the thought of it.
Call me a conservative old bag/ religious goody-two-shoes/ obnoxious-overbearing-person or whatever you want. I don't care. The moral state of youth today is deplorable. It angers me to see how antagonistically immoral (or rather, amoral) some people have become. Please, GET A LIFE.
I say, this especially unpleasant and unfortunate experience should completely cure me of the habit of blog-hopping.
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Sunday, July 17, 2005
-2:30 pm
I honestly can identify with your feelings, however unbelievable it may seem to you. Time and time again due to unfortunate circumstances, I have been unable to attend the SP course while you had to chance to. It's true that not being an SP disallows certain experiences and opportunities, but that hasn't stopped me from serving God in whatever small and seemingly insignificant ways I can. I'm doing my best and I know God sees it.
I've long struggled with God in the past about this though. I kept asking God why it had to be that way, why couldn't I have the privilege to serve Him while younger believers have quickly become SPs. I couldn't understand why things just seemed to be against me all the time. I have to admit, I was jealous. To see my good friends and peers become SPs one by one, I felt so left out and insignificant. I kept comparing myself with them, wondering what was it that was wrong with me that I couldn't be where they were. I was angry with God.
Thankfully though, God has this way of allowing ourselves to come to the self-realisation that something is wrong and do something about it at times, instead of directly speaking to us. As I re-examined my motives for becoming an SP, I discovered that it was more to be like the people I admired, to have that so-called "glory" of being an SP which is really overrated, not so much of truly wanting to serve God. I was so ashamed that I couldn't face God. I knew I wasn't ready. The longer the time I took to change, the longer it took for me to reach that point of growth and maturity that God wanted me at.
I also remembered what Pastor Darick once told me, "Maybe it's not God's timing for you."
Now, that set me thinking. And I fervently seeked God about it. It dawned on me that God has a special plan just for me. Jeremiah 29:11 spoke so clearly to me, saying
"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God has every single day of my life planned and written on the palm of His hand before even one of them came to be. Who was I to question His plans? Who was I to say that I wanted this right now? Do you think that God would allow us to mess up our futures because of our myopic opinions? I hardly think so. Do you think He would allow us to so easily change His plans for us because we were throwing tantrums? Of course not.
In my limited human perspective, I couldn't see that God was preparing me for a greater purpose. Maybe I'm not spiritually ready yet. God had to mold me into the kind of vessel that would be worthy of serving Him, to strip away all the impurities and make the rough edges smooth. I couldn't rush God. The more I resisted His pruning, the more painful it was and the longer it took. During the time that I was feeling down, He allowed certain experiences, suffering and pain that taught me so much. These lessons would prepare me for the destiny His planned for me. I realised that my timing isn't alway God's timing. But His ways are higher than ours. In all His wisdom, He has a plan that no one can fathom. I may say, "I want it
now," but God says, "No,
not yet."
It is not for me to judge what is best for me because my human wisdom falls extremely short of His. I learnt to stop struggling and questioning God, surrendering my own selfish agendas and my whole life completely to His sovereign ways in all obedience and trust.
"Not what I will but what You will, O Lord." Only then could He start to do that heart surgery of His in me, to refine me with His holy fire such that I would emerge as pure gold.
Zechariah 13:9 (NIV)This third I will bring into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my nameand I will answer them;I will say, 'They are my people,'and they will say, 'The LORD is our God.' "Perhaps you need to
accept the fact that it just isn't God's timing for you. Stop struggling, let go and let God. He has a unique purpose planned for you that no one else is able to fulfill and He needs the time to prepare you for that. Considering that took Moses 40 years in the wilderness to become qualified for the leadership, to be ready to lead God's people out of Egypt, are you willing to go through the fire for Him no matter how long the refining process may take?
I know who you were referring to in your post. I detect some traces of bitterness, biting sarcasm (and perhaps envy?) in your tone of voice. I understand. Somehow it feels like deja vu because this isn't the first time someone has felt this way about me. No, I don't blame you for feeling the way you do but I must first say that it is extremely unfair to compare yourself to me or others for that matter.
Galatians 5:26 (Msg)"That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original."A quote from Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life:
"Real servants don't complain of unfairness, don't have pity-parties... they just trust God and keep serving."I don't think you will become someone God will use mightily for His purposes. I know it. It's not that you're not good enough, it's just that God is not done with you yet.
God has said in the very beginning that He has created us in His image, special and unique in His sight. No one can be you, neither can you be someone else. You play a significantly unique role in God's big plan for all mankind, no one else can fulfill it. If you choose to try to fit square pegs into a round hole by shaping your ministry like someone else's, you are not fulfilling your life's purpose. I have learnt not to look for man's approval but to seek only God's. Be patient and allow the potter's hands to shape you. Don't try to rush God. It will all be done in His good time. Trust Him.
I want you to know that not being an SP doesn't limit what you can do for God. It's up to you to turn everything that happens into opportunities to make a difference. Not being a spiritual parent doesn't mean that you cannot unofficially mentor someone. If you think you're up to it, by all means go for it. It helps to know that you have something to give and that's what I live by.
There are certain issues which I feel are hindering our friendshp and needs to be resolved as soon as possible. I don't think that outward appearances or whatever school one comes from should matter to you, nor to God. Instead, I find that a heart that is truly passionate for God is the most attractive quality ever. You are attractive in many ways you might not realise (;
I would like to apologise for whatever I've said or done that has offended you and I hope you will continue to growth abundantly in God's love and walk faithfully in His ways.
I'm praying for you.
P.S.: I recommend that you visit this
site to learn more about God's plans. Do drop me a note when you've read this will ya?
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Friday, July 15, 2005
-5:50 pm
I'm definitely going to apply for RJC humantities scholarship. It's way too good to be true! Imagine getting $2000 in your bank account just for studying humanities, which I enjoy to no end. Even if you didn't pay me, I'd still happily study it on my own accord! English Lit, human geog etc... bliss. I've decided to drop the sciences; I'm more geared towards the arts. Some may say that is a risky thing to do, but I know myself enough to forsee a future in the arts, not sciences. I love the arts, feel the passion for studying it and I might as well go all the way; no regrets or looking back.
The Q&A session with two humanities teachers in-charge of the humans scholarship was extremely informative and insightful. A few humans scholars from RJ, Pek, Shums, Ely and some other girl came down to dialogue with us too. Apparently the camaraderie amongst the humans scholars and their class is really awesome; the support and encouragement they give each other spurs them on. They got me all excited about this programme. Taking Lit is compulsory, while your other two H2 subjects should be humanities subjects, plus another H2 contrasting subject. An example of a typical subject combination for a humans scholar is something like this:
Lit,
History/Geog,
Econs,
Knowledge and Inquiry/ Maths.
Isn't this cool or what? That's exactly what I'm gonna take in JC, except for the bit about KI. I'd like to take it because it seems to compliment the other subjects well but I'm kinda scared, or rather put off by the possibility of doing a philosophy-like subject for the A levels! I'm so glad that philosophy is over for now and couldn't be happier to get rid of it. But then again, KI can help me develop intellectual and philosophical rigour, sharpen my thinking and analytical skills as well as my questioning techniques. This will help if I were to do psychology in uni. On the other hand, I'll need maths to do psychology.
Dilemma dilemma.
Never mind, I shan't worry about that for now. I'll just work on pulling up my humans grades. I can't wait for next year!
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-11:53 am
I'm officially zoned-out; brain-dead; mental power = -35. Stayed up till 2am this morning doing geog PT. bleargh. It's like expected protocol to throw sleep out the window and cheong PTs like mad the night before it's due. Every single geog student (in my class at least) are mentally inactive today. Cynthia Khoo didn't even sleep at all lah! Goodness. I slept 3.5 hours and am already half dead (I hope I can make it home after school), how can she survive that?!
There's a humanties scholoarship meeting with RJ principal Mr. Winston Hodge later after school. I know that the contenders for the scholarship will be tough to beat but no harm trying, except maybe risk losing some face but it'll be worth it. At least I tried. It'll end at 3, then I'll be off to Mount E. at 4pm. Which means I'll only reach home at 5.30pm. I'll definitely crash on my lovely bed and remain dead to the world until saturday morning. And there's open house duty tmr. Oh this is just great. Since my bio teacher isn't here for our online lesson, I shall conveniently take a much needed nap. Not that I have any mental coherence and the presence of mind to study about genetic engineering. My brain feels numb. ZZzzz...
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Wednesday, July 13, 2005
-8:39 pm
I don't get some people's (or rather, a certain group member of mine) seemingly innate inability to stick to datelines. Simple tasks assigned to her always don't get finished on time. Why? Why can't you do what you're supposed to do? It's not like it's a one page long essay or anything. There's ample time to finish it I'm sure. Why can everyone else send in their stuff on time and you can't? It's always you. Surely you possess some basic responsibility and integrity since you're in this school. I expect you to at least be professional as a student in a group setting by doing your part punctually; I don't care if you're perpetually tardy in handing in individual assignments. It's fine if you don't respect yourself enough to submit work on time but at least show us some respect.
Your inresponsibility and lack of professionalism irks me BIG time. And now I'm fuming mad.
Not only are you holding up the entire group's progress (hello, if you haven't already noticed, the due date for the group and individual component is this friday), you are also not doing enough for the group. Do I always have to chase you for overdue stuff? Aren't you ashamed of the empty promises you've made? Surely you had the entire holidays and the first two weeks of school to just write 2 paragraphs of 5 lines each. Is it that impossible? I don't think so; everyone seemed to be able to finish that on time. It is not fair that everyone manages to do everything on time and you don't.
And it's not the first time I'm working with you, neither is it the first time you're like that. I tried to defend you when others complained about you, but I can't help you when the facts are out on the table. You have indeed successfully and utterly annoyed every single person who have worked with you.
I can't stand irresponsible people.
I'm sick and tired of your lousy work ethic (ok I'm sorry but it seems that you don't have any work ethic) or rather, irresponsible attitude. "I'm-really-sorry-but-I'll-send-it-tonight" doesn't work on us anymore. The long awaited and overdue email never comes. You don't have the courtesy to inform us that you can't make the dateline and you never seem even vaguely remorseful about it. We're not slave drivers. We'll understand if you have a valid reason. But don't assume that I'll tolerate this. I'm sorry to have to resort this online rant but I just can't take it anymore.
I am just -THIS- much to yelling at you in the face and stuffing pipe cleaners down your throat. But I won't. You're not worth it.
Be thankful I haven't said all these to your face because I can't promise that I'll be nice. I'm sure it won't be pretty but I'm hoping it won't have to come to that. So please, for the sake of your reputation and our grades, buck up and do what you're supposed to do and I'll be more than grateful.
[My most sincere apologies to all those who have just read this regrettably unpleasant post and are innocent to the above described charge.]
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Tuesday, July 12, 2005
-7:59 am
Thanks for being honest. -heaves a huge sigh of relief- I feel so much better now that it's clear; it was so hard keeping it all in. There were times when I could't take it anymore but there was just too much at risk.
It was incongruous- what you said and what I think you felt, or still feel. And I was right.
But thanks for understanding, for being sensitive and thoughtful enough to give me the space though it really wasn't your fault at all. I don't know what might happen in the future because it's all in God's hands but for now it's comforting to know that we're still friends.
Growing in God's love is all I ever want to do.
Spoke to Hannah on the phone yesterday and I was so glad that I called her because we had such a great chat, just sharing about our struggles and miscellaneous issues and laughing our heads of over various incidents. -knowing smile- It made my day! The closing prayer was awesome, I just love it when we pray together because it generates power! And the testimonies I hear from her sharing really blessed me too. I thank God for blessing me with Hannah and Schezn as prayer buddies. They have really impacted me the most. I love you two! It's great that this fellowship allows us to encourage and support each other, share our troubles and pray for each other. The spiritual support really fuels my growth as well.
Friends are indeed, angels sent from heaven by God in all His love and wisdom to watch over us.
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Sunday, July 10, 2005
-6:57 pm
WHO AM I(Casting Crowns)
Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt,
Who am I?
That the Bright and Morning Star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart,
Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done,
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are,
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean),
A vapor in the wind,
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am..
I am Yours.
Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin,
Would look on me with love,
and watch me rise again,
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me,
Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done,
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are,
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean),
A vapor in the wind,
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am...
I am Yours, I am Yours.
I am Yours,
Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am Yours,
I am Yours.
[Schezn sent me this song and I find it especially meaningful. That the Lord of all the earth would even know your name, the number of strands of hair on your head, have every single day of your life planned before even one of them came to be. I find it amazingly awesome and extremely comforting. His everlasting love just takes my breath away...]
-listen to the song-
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-3:17 pm
Dare You To Move(Switchfoot)
Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before
Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself
Lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before
[view the music video]
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-10:50 am
To think that I went prepared for the worst, assuming that you've read my letter. But you didn't. Well, so much for worrying about it all day. I guess it isn't that important to you.
我不知道你心里到底在想什么. 你为什么不给我一个答案? 让我放下这个包袱吧, 不再抱着这个不可能的希望. 我以为我能够做得到,但是时间过得太慢了,不让我忘记这一切...
Went to church earlier with bro, reached there at 3pm so that I could play Shuang's guit. I taught Sandra and Gabriel to strum!
Down up down up down/ down up up up/ down up down up.
Ha! So proud of my students (: Guess who got it faster? Haha ;) Section outing was rather fun, although I wished it lasted longer. My cam died when we were about to take a cell photo! Rawrs X( Realised that wearing a skirt and heels wasn't such a good idea but anyways, I survived. Spent the bus ride back playing the guitar. People must have thought I was crazy but I didn't care; no one comes between me and a guitar!
Mom brought back so many funky bags from my aunt's place! There's one prada one that I really like and a white and pink chanel wallet that I'm going to use straight away. Figured that my larger burberry wallet dad bought should be kept for next year (I think jc requires a more mature, understated fashion accessory). Haha, Mom wants that same bag too. Shows that I have good taste! Well, we can always share considering that we always share shoes, clothes and bags. Thank goodness mom's taste isn't that yesteryear. But what exactly does she have against dangly earrings? Guess it's one of the mysteries about mothers that I'll never figure out...
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Friday, July 08, 2005
-8:27 pm
I just bared my soul to a particular person today in a letter that should have been written a long time ago. For too long I lied, struggling against my feelings and it was just getting me nowhere. Now that everything's out in the open, I just wish to get over it and move on. Hopefully something good will come out of this; I really hope that we can be closer friends. However, I'm taking a big risk by laying my feelings out on the table- vulnerable to getting trodden on and hurt. Yet again, I'll never know what will happen if I didn't reveal how I really feel. I've done my part so now it's all up to the other person. Whatever it is, I know I shouldn't get my hopes up. It might not turn out as I think it would.
Well, so much for that. Met Brandon, Daniel and Marcus at church today after dedication service . We trooped off to hannah's place for a supposed study session but as you can see by the use of the word "supposed", we didn't really get any studying done. Most of the time it was playing the guitar and piano, and sitting in her backyard eating cup noodles (I forgot to eat lunch), sipping coke and eating cheese cake (yum). But I really enjoyed myself. Hannah taught me how to play her song- everlasting love. It's sooo beautiful! And I just love her guitar. Can't believe it only cost $108. That's dirt cheap for a guit of that quality. Then Sandra came at about 5.30pm. We were just fooling around her room and I ended up taking 5 minute cat naps on her nice fluffy, white, queen-size princess-y bed. Bliss. At 7 the rest went for L-cell while Sandra and I went home.
Should get to bed now. Stayed up till 2am last night, sorry I mean this morning to finish my bio PT. At least it's done. I need some quality sleep before I wake up earlier to jog tmr morning. Section outing's tmr! *Flounces around in excitement* Need I say more? *grin*
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Thursday, July 07, 2005
-12:30 pm
My classroom is so stuffy. The air-conditioner is not working. And the air is warm and humid. Will have two blocks free today, from now onwards because my english/ CLE teacher won't be around. Hence, we're staying back two and a half hours for nothing. They should let us go home now. Hmph- fat hope.
Everyone is working like crazy on their bio PT. It scares me to see how meticulous and detailed some models are. To think that DNA would be so complicated. Well, it looks like I'll have to cheog mine tonight, which means I'll have to forgo my afternoon nap (which is a luxury to an RGS girl like me). Mental note: I need to drop by art friends at taka today after school to get my fuzzy wires for the rosettes.
We're supposed to be having character and leadership education right now but my CLE teachers (my form and social studies teachers) are not around. I guess my SS teacher conveniently went on MC so that he wouldn't have to teach us the current CLE module- sexuality. Haha, I'll laugh my head off to see him bashfully struggle through teaching us about abstinence and condoms.
Mm... I can't wait for saturday- again! We're having a section outing after service. A chartered bus will bring us to west coast park where we can have dinner under the stars and talk! And then we'll be delivered back to church. How fun... Can't wait can't wait can't wait. *shivers with excitement* Just ask any passion youth and they'll tell you that their favourite day is saturday! (:
Now I'm off to lunch...
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Wednesday, July 06, 2005
-9:14 pm

My beloved cell 3 2004! Miss you guys loads...
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Tuesday, July 05, 2005
-8:51 pm
Today was Mary's farewell party. It was really moving and sad because she is such an indispensable part of Tribune. Ever the boisterous bundle of never-ending energy bouncing around during CCA, I can't imagine Tribune without her liveliness. As she was giving her parting shot, I teared when she teared because, well we were close as senior and junior and I'll miss her so much when she's gone. Guess I'm rather sentimental. Well, at least she has a bright future ahead. Moving to canada is a great way to start all over again, escape from the evil education system in Singapore and really live life. I'm sure she'll be happier there albeit the initial pain of separations and farewells.
Came home at 6pm today and immediately fell asleep on my bed until 8 when my mom woke me up. Can't believe how tired I am. Dinner wasn't so great because I had to face the barrage of insecurities and accusations from dad. Hmph. I felt very maligned. Yes, I'm guilty as charged about not managing my time and taking care of my health
in the past but a failure doesn't guarantee that I'll always fail. He doesn't trust me to hold my ground and take care of myself. He even calls me faithless. The fact that I choose to continue my visits to the doc doesn't mean that God is not going to do anything. If it was the case, then cancer-stricken patients all over the world would shun treatment and just wait to be miraculously healed. Faith cannot be extreme. Extreme faith is not faith. It's just not facing up to reality. I guess he is genuinely concerned for me but I at least deserve some respect and trust really. I just don't know what to do. Usually, my emotions tell me to just verbally retaliate, but my rational mind says not to. Let him say what he likes.
I'll prove you wrong, just you see.Remarkable! Three entries in a day today. That's a record (:
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-10:51 am
I had a dream a few nights ago.
I dreamt that I was pregnant. Yes, pregnant! At the tender age of 16! How weird is that I ask you? 0_o I woke up remembering that horrible feeling when I realised that I was pregnant (in the dream of course)- such guilt, shame, dread and confusion. I was so traumatised! Goodness. Of all things I had to dream about that. And I'm wondering about the significance of that dream. I think if everyone could be induced to dream this dream, I guarantee no one would dare to have pre-marital sex and aids would be a problem of yesteryear.
In my dreams, I have been:
a) married,
b) pregnant (most recently),
c) flying all over singapore after jumping from my window being chased by dracula
d) hopelessly lost in a maze of HDB corridors which looks like my block but I couldn't seem to find the door to my house,
e) and part of a superhero crusaders made up of yours truly and some leather-wearing bikers. (???!)
There's more but sometimes I wake up not being able to remember the details of that dream or nightmare. It's just a hazy scene at the back of my mind, a remnant of my night escapades in lala land. All I remember is that they were weird. It's amazing what the unconscious can uncover don't you think?
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-7:51 am
Don't let the bastards grind you down. This was what Offred found engraved at the bottom of her cupboard in the handmaid's tale. I have come to appreciate the beauty of Margaret Atwood's writing, yet at the same time repulsed by what is suggests- a possible future where women are treated as baby-making machines, stripped of their self-indentities and forced to have babies they could not call their own.
Tragic.
Waiting for Lit to start now. Having a weird stomachache today, have no idea why though. Slept late last night so I'll probably be rather bleary-eyed today. The bus ride was such a comfortable nap. Had so much trouble trying to get myself out of bed today. >.<
So much for love. What is love anyways?
The world's perception and definitions are warped, propagated by mass media like the internet, TV, radio etc etc. The world's idea of love is passion, lust, no-strings-attached, "have fun while it lasts", one night stands etc. Love is portrayed to be exciting, mysterious, usually with the connotation of sex. I say that this picture is not what love is truly all about. You can enjoy the temporary pleasures of forbidden love, premarital sex, but you can't escape the consequences and pain that would last a lifetime. Think about it. If a guy truly loves you and respect you, he'll want to honour you and your wishes, protecting you as a gentleman. No guy who wants to have sex before marriage is even worth considering. I know I'm being very straightforward, or even blunt here on such a controversial subject. But I must have my say. Young people today are too disillusioned about "that crazy little thing called love".
To me, true love perseveres, protects and prepares. My stand on BGR is that I won't even think about it until I'm at least 19. I will use my youth to serve God, to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength until there's no room for anything else at all. Want my relationship with God to be strong first, to establish my identity before I try to accept my other half. God has someone special for me and it's all in His hands (: I don't wanna worry about it. The right time and the right person will come. Some day...
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Monday, July 04, 2005
-10:43 pm
Went on an impromptu shopping spree with mom today. We figured since we were at orchard, might as well pop by robinson and check out the storewide 70% discounts. We (or rather I) ended up leaving with a denim jacket, and a clingy black dress for FAM! Is that cool or what? And mom finally bought her pair of sunglasses. Somehow I feel accomplished! Ha!
Then from orchard I went to Brandon's house to study. As usual, it was an enjoyable session with us jamming on the guitars and crapping, and of course, trying to catch up on our homework. Gab, Daniel, Shuang, Hannah and I stayed for dinner and to watch the chinese show at 7pm- tong xin yuan. Didn't know that they followed that serial too (: And did I mention that Brandon's house is really posh? It's beautiful. And his brother is sooooooo cute. Haha. His front garden was perfect for admiring the night sky as I sat on one of the ledges and played Gab's new $36 acoustic guit. How romantic... *grin* I learnt how to play more than words! Thanks Hannah! You're the best!
Glad to have a whole new layout, thanks to the ingenuity of Sandra. This is definitely not oogleh! (:
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Saturday, July 02, 2005
-10:18 am
I'm at the blog-designing workshop at republic polytechnic now. Waiting for the course to start; apparently they are having some "technical difficulties". So much for the delay. I can't wait to learn how to use HTML and design my own blog. Hence, this blog will be revamped soon (I hope, if I can find the time).
Learnt how to properly strum yesterday! Ha! Sara rocks. Finally (: Wanna borrow shuang's guit later to prac.
Shopping with mom yesterday was rather tiring. But fun. I found this pale yellow turtleneck top by accident, decided to try it and realised that it looked fabulous! So I bought it, for almost 40 bucks. Well, Mango was having this huge sale at Isetan (Tangs was
way over budget) with up to 50% discounts. But the clothes there were... well, rather unsuitable. Mom was tired too so we didn't stay long.
Can't wait for church later. It's youth prayer rally! We're going to pray the house down! Excited. I have a schoolmate/ ex-classmate from lower sec coming for service later. She's from another church but her dad wants to move to TCC so she's attending passion service for the very first time with her sisters. I'm so glad that she's trying it out. I'm sure she's going to love the infectious vibrant, passion-filled atmosphere that she'll want to stay! I do pray so.
Lesson's starting so adios.
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Friday, July 01, 2005
-10:22 pm
This song just struck me yesterday and I spent the entire math lesson writing down the lyrics from memory. (Ok kids, this is not a good example. Please don't write song lyrics during maths lesson and obediently listen to your teacher.) It's a lovely song that we danced to during last year's Running After You youth camp.
All I Need / Bethany Dillon
When the day is done
And there's no one else around
While I'm lying here in bed
You're in my heart, You're in my head
You're all I need, You're all I need
There are a million voices
Calling out my name
But You're the One I want to hear
So make the others disappear
You're all I need, You're all I need
Chorus:
You are all I need when I'm surrounded
You are all I need if I'm by myself
You fill me when I'm empty
There is nothing else You're all I need
When the morning comes
And Your mercy is renewed
There's a fire in my bones
I'm not afraid to go alone
You're all I need, You're all I need
The sun on my face
I hear You whisper loud
You're still the God that opens seas
Every flower, even me
You're all I need You're all I need
Bridge:
I'm drawn to everything that You do
Nothing compares to You
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