Sunday, February 25, 2007
-5:59 pm
Was under-studying for keys today and found myself wavering between observing Char play and really worshipping God, especially since PDa/Trina sensed that we needed to really come through with authentic worship and ministry. I tried to watch Char during the crucial parts like transition from verse into chorus, build-up, bridge etc. But after a while, God's undeniable presence came like a wind, like a torrential flood that just sucked me in and swept me away. I felt myself so drawn into worship by God, even though as I closed my eyes, at the back of my mind, I was wondering what Char and Mad were playing. Then, just as I allowed myself to jump right into the river, it was like, WOW.
And halfway through the worship segment, it seemed to me to be practically sacrilege to watch Char play instead of worshipping God because His presence was just so overwhelmingly real and holy in that place. Have you ever felt that we may have sometimes taken God's presence for granted? If you were in the presence of a king, you wouldn't be paying attention to anything else would you? What more the King of all the earth, Creator of the universe? And for once, I felt compelled to forget about understudying and just respond to God with all my heart. Right then, I knew what it meant to be enraptured by His glory. I just had to give Him all the praise He is more than worthy of. When God shows up, you can't help but lift your hands and voice in worship because, well, I don't know man. Maybe it's a natural response? The fact that His glory is so magnificent (magnificent doesn't quite cut it; no word can truly express how amazing He is) makes you want to fall to your knees in worship.
I can't help but marvel at how God chose to draw me in even though I may not have accorded Him my due focus during the service. Learnt quite a fair bit today not only in terms of skills, but also more of what it means to be a Levite, to worship God through my instrument. Indeed, from the heart, true worship comes, and through our hands, true worship will flow.
0comments
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
-8:45 pm
Hm the new template messed up the comment function. I've figured out a way though:
1. click on the "comment" link. The page will refresh, bringing you back to the home page
2. click on "entries" to display the specific post on which you wish to comment
3. click on "entries" again and you will reach the comments page.
CNY break is officially over. I've never eaten so much in such a short span of time. New year goodies are addictive, especially pineapple tarts and prawn rolls. Talk about vices. For others, it's gambling. For me, it's eating; gluttony; excessive consumption. I'm just waiting for the pimples to pop out like overnight cinder cones or volcanoes soon. I reckon they'll be the painful red kind. Eww.
A record (and I'm not proud of it)- 5 meals on first day. Every place we visited, we sat down to eat. And they weren't small meals, mind you. Gah I've got to go running like crazy the next few days to work off the extra little blobs that have snugly nestled themselves in the usual areas.
But all in all, it was great catching up with the relatives. All of them commented on how tall my brothers have grown though. I think Joel (far right, in green) is kinda cute. (: Tall (taller than my dad), dark and handsome. Hm... I bet he's quite popular with the girls. How time flies. Well, someone wished me "kuai gao zhang da" today. Yeah... I hope I would too.
^ The three musketeers.
I realise the two of them never quite smile in photos. Are grimaces are the new cool?
4comments
Monday, February 19, 2007
-11:50 pm
New skin. Realised that since I deleted my Friendster account, the portrait Kisses From Heaven picture I uploaded there has disappeared. I can't seem to find it on my hard drive either.
So goodbye kissesfromheaven blogskin.
This shall do, for now. Made the font size bigger. It was
tiny to begin with. I still think it's a tad small but any bigger and it wouldn't blend with the layout. So if you have to strain your eyes to read, please let me know.
It's late. Can't believe I stayed up during my last free night before school starts to do this. *yawns* Goodnight.
0comments
-8:42 pm
Memories.
Some make you laugh, some make you cringe (or cry)
Others- well, they aren't worth remembering.
But often the most poignant are the ones that bring you pain; the ones you want to forget
but can't.
Yet, perhaps what we need to "forget" is not really the event, or whatever happened. We often quote Isaiah 43:18- "Forget the former things..." If you're talking about unwanted memories, what the verse means is maybe (from my amateur interpretation so don't take my word for it) releasing to God the hurt and emotional baggage it caused. Surrender- yes, that's the word- is when you find closure.
Life will present us with an accumulation of things pleasant and not. Perhaps the key is not to press "delete" every time something doesn't agree with us, but to instead allow God to help us see it from a different perspective, to view it through new lenses. Every experience, trial or blessing, is a lesson in itself. I believe in how God moulds us through the former. Nothing we can do will change the past. But our future has everything to do with how much we let God change us.
Just like putting on new clothes for the new year, changing our attitudes and outlook make us look and feel brand new, inside out.
Happy Lunar New Year. (:
0comments
Sunday, February 18, 2007
-10:29 pm
I know it was a week ago, but still I must make things clear- read it in clear, bold, red font:
There is nothing going on between me and Alvin,
the F-R-I-E-N-D I brought for v-day's Inside Out.
I know it appeared suspicious, especially since dear Titus asked all the wrong questions! ("How is Michelle as a friend to you?") I thought he was only going to interview my friend, but he got me to stand too. Now I've experienced what it means to think, "Wow that was AWKWARD," in all its entirety. I was like, "This time die lah. What would people think?"
But I don't blame Titus. He was doing his job as the emcee, and was a fabulous one at that. (:
I bet the whole LT was thinking, "Hm..." As we were leaving, some people (ahem some youths) were giving me the *wink wink* look. Sigh. Well, there really is nothing going on!
Here goes the long story (which I shall effectively summarise for you): We met 3 years ago at a CDC camp for students. We were group-mates. And our relationship kinds of ends there. So... yeah. He likes to meet up with old friends, and has an amazing memory- he remembers my birthday every year without fail but I don't even know when his is! Yup he told a white lie- I do not know when his birthday is, much less remember it every year. (I found out though when I discreetly peeped as he filled up the FTV card.)
He often asks if we can meet to catch up or something. I don't always oblige though. So this time, I thought, why not invite him for Inside Out. I emailed him an invitation. I didn't expect him to agree to come (a lack of faith, I admit), but he did. I honestly tried to find a mutual friend to come along so it wouldn't be weird but considering that I don't really know him, it was hard. And the only girl I asked was studying for a bio test the next day.
Perhaps it was the "wrong" occasion, in a sense, to bring a guy. But when things turn out this way, you can't exactly say, "Sorry, I take that back." I did deliberate whether to bring him, but thought, here is the chance to bring someone to Christ. Does my image matter more? Anyways, persons of the opposite gender shouldn't be discriminated against when it comes to extending that opportunity to know God.
Though at first I regretted bringing him, God reminded me of how Alvin heard the gospel for the first time after Inside Out (despite him having visited other churches before) as I shared using the bridge diagram. Thank you, Zhi Chao, for coming down to talk to him. I believe what we shared made him think and put questions in his mind. Even though he didn't receive salvation, we've sown the seed. Someone else may reap the harvest sometime down the road. But it's a start because we have sown the seed.
I know there're some speculations and I'd be lying if I say I'm not bothered at all. But I'm more concerned about the youths in general, especially the younger ones under me. Don't really want to stumble them or anything. And it's not so good if they have the wrong impression. So this is just to clear things up so there're no misunderstandings. If you're confused, please come and talk to me.
Haha actually, I'm not romantically involved with anyone for that matter, except my one true love and desire
JESUS (:
2comments
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
-10:09 pm
UNAFRAID
words and music by Joy Williams, Jason Ingram, and David May
They say I'm too young to really understand
They say I'm too old to be where I am
They say just fit in, you'll be just fine
But I can't buy the lie
The voices of the crowd always try to keep me down
But I've had enough and now I'm stepping out
Unafraid
‘Cause I know who You are
Unafraid
Staring life in the face
‘Cause I know who I am is who You made
So here I stand
Unafraid
You say I'm Your own, an orphan found
You say I am home, those lies are lonely now
You're proud of me, and I am safe
And my fears begin to fade
Your voice is drowning everybody out
I'm gonna live my life (unashamed)
Living my life (untamed)
For the sake of Your Name
I'm living my life, I'm living my life
1comments
Sunday, February 04, 2007
-10:32 am
Having barely recovered from a dehabilitating flu which knocked me out of action for a few days, I woke up this morning with an upset stomach and diarrhoea. It's food poisoning it seems. Boohoo. I want to be in church!
It's a double-whammy. First this, then that. I feel as weak as jelly. Sigh. I want to sleep, but the churning in my stomach and nausea keeps me away from the temporary respite of lala land. And every now and then, I'd have to scurry to the toilet. I've lost count of the number of times already. Okay I'll spare the details; they're not exactly delectable.
But even as I pleaded with God to take it away so that I could go to church, He asked me, why do you want to go to church so badly? I thought it was quite a "duh" question to ask, but He searched my heart and revealed to me that He was probably a secondary reason. I realised that I wanted to be there because, well, I wanted to see my friends, have fun, party the Sunday away. I was looking forward more to the human fellowship than real fellowship with God. It hit me and I felt really ashamed. It's so easy to lose focus. I think sometimes we can get carried away with all the hype, the cool factor of youth ministry, of hanging out with friends. But church is so much more than a social club.
I'm sure to spend the rest of this morning getting things right again with God.
Create in me a pure heart O Lord.
4comments
Saturday, February 03, 2007
-7:49 pm
I recently realised how emotionally pent up I've been for a rather long time. Somehow the dam kind of burst open thanks to some much needed probing and I didn't even know I've been sweeping everything under the carpet. It was an unconscious reaction to whatever I felt wasn't helping me to move on. I'd just chuck it out the window, though at the back of my mind, it's like unresolved clutter that still needs to be dealt with. Guess I've been trying to be strong, to manage the different things that come my way in school, ministry, cca etc.
I don't know what kept the defensive walls up, but I do know that I don't like feeling vulnerable, unconsciously. Maybe it's pride, or a self-protecting mechanism against potential hurt and anything that will exacerbate an already fragile emotional state. I don't really know... But I think I've been lonely. Transition after transition; it does take some getting used to. Now that it's a new place, new team, I find myself trying to fit in all over again and sometimes, not knowing where I belong. There are the people you can talk, say "hi" and "bye" to. Some, only polite conversation, while others yeah sharing to a certain extent, but not really connecting on a deeper level.
I really miss the old bunch.
But as I step out of my comfort zone, I believe God will provide someone. As much as He is my best friend who's always there, we were made for relationships, not meant to walk alone on this earth.
Dear Lord please give me friends, close friends who will run this race with me, pray with me, and help me grow stronger in You. Thank You for the lovely bunch that You've sent my way this year. I pray somehow, friendships will grow deeper, beyond the surface; someone I can share with etc. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
3comments
Thursday, February 01, 2007
-8:49 pm
Th
ank God for new friends, old (best!) friends, and real friends I never knew I had. For just that surprise, this was the best birthday I've ever had. More love makes up for the lack of it. Even though I didn't think my birthday was worth celebrating. Maybe it's a family thing.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to those who have made it so special. Thank you for loving me. (:
And Dearest Daddy gave me the best present ever: His love- perfect love. Actually, He has already given it to me even before the day I was born. Maybe it's just that I tend to forget. Then, He reminds me to open up that box to receive His precious gift all over again. And it's like new; each subsequent time I'm brought to experience His love in a different way, on a deeper level, in a whole new realisation of His boundless love.
Thank You Father, for arms of perfect love.
Thank You Jesus, for giving me life. Birthdays should be celebrated because of You, because I can say that I truly live.
